hurt

I hurt today. More so than I have over the past few weeks. My body even hurts. And I am angry, so, so angry. The problem is I’m trying to be the way he is being to me, but I can’t. it’s just not in my nature. Wish it was. Wish I could just forget everything. Wish I could put the past 10 months behind me and move on… it was so easy for him, why isn’t it for me? Oh yeah, because I loved this man… I gave him the best of me for 10 months. Because of him, I felt things I have never felt, I loved better than I have ever loved…I truly did give him the best of my love (to quote the Eagles…) it’s not every day that I give my heart to someone… and it’s not everyday that I get my heart broken. I still can’t cry. I have even tried. It’s really hard to “try” to cry. Not everyday that you sit down and say “I’m going to cry about this today.” A good friend of mine said to me last night “when you decide to come out of your hole, we will find you the perfect man.” I thought I HAD found the perfect man… we were so compatible, we had so many weird idiosyncrasies that made the both of us go “whoa.” So many things that brought us together… and I guess, so many things that tore us apart… I’m not saying that we didn’t have issues, we did, what relationship doesn’t? I don’t know… i do know I want this pain to go away… forever…