Panic… it’s a defense mechanism for our bodies. It’s something that scares the hell out of you sometimes but at the same time tells your body, HEY, SLOW DOWN AND BREATHE….
Have you ever had a panic attack? I have been having them a lot more recently, but I can remember to this day, the first one I ever had.
It was April of 2000, and I was on a business trip to Scottsdale, Arizona. All of us went out the night before and got back to the hotel at 5 in the morning. We had to be at the airport around 9 or so. I was a bit hungover, as I was MUCH younger then and could stay out and party all night long and get up the next morning.
So, I get on the airplane, flying from Phoenix to St. Louis. I sit in my seat, window, and next to me are two little old ladies from Brooklyn. They are so sweet. Well, we are about 5 minutes from pulling away from the gate, and I start to get hot. I’m thinking, ok, I am hungover, it’s Phoenix and 100 degrees, and I’m in a sweatshirt and shorts… just turn on the air vent, you will be fine. I turn on the air vent, push up my sleeves and start fanning myself with a magazine.
Nothing is helping, I am breaking out in a sweat. The plane has pulled away from the gate by now. Next thing you know, I am feeling completely flushed, I can feel my heart just POUNDING in my chest, I start to salivate, I feel like my heart is going to come through my chest, my chest hurts so bad, as if someone is sitting on me… the only thing going through my mind is "Oh my God, I’m dying." Which, of course, increases the amount of stress that you are going through and sends the level of panic to the next notch.
The little old ladies from Brooklyn look at me and say "sweetie, are you ok?" No, I’m not, I think I’m having a heart attack. "Sweetie, you are fine, you are having a panic attack, you will be ok." Thanks lady, but I’m dying here, and you are telling me that I’m gonna be fine?!!!??
Now, it doesn’t help matters at all that I am also claustrophobic as well, so I’m sitting in this airplane, next to the window and I’m dying, so the only thing going through my mind is "I have to get out of here." I excuse myself and ask the ladies if I could get through to use the restroom. "Sweetie, the plane is taking off" I know, I don’t care. I get up and walk down to the VERY SMALL open area where the flight attendants get all the drinks ready. The flight attendant says "you need to be in your seat, we are taking off." I understand that, but you don’t understand, I think I’m dying, I think I’m having a panic attack and I needed to get up. I promise I will sit down as soon as I feel a bit better.
Well, I finally feel better and go and sit back down. I make it to St. Louis and as soon as I am off the plane, I call my now ex-husband and tell him to come get me, I can’t get on another airplane. He tells me to just calm down and I will be fine and makes me get on the next plane. I didn’t like him very much right then.
I went to the doctor the following week and told him what happened and he was nice enough to give me some stuff to knock me out the next time I flew, so no more panic attacks on the airplane.
Well, I have had probably 10 or so my entire life, and here I am having had my 3rd. one since January. I know that we all need to learn to deal with our stresses and such, but it’s so hard. My body is telling me to chill out, but it seems that everytime I let my guard down, something else happens. This last attack lasted for almost 3 hours. I couldn’t function. I don’t want to be doped up on drugs to get through the day, but I also know that I can’t continue to let my body, mind and soul go through this. I think that anyone that has had a panic attack can concur with me.
