don't let them put you on a shelf

Donavon Frankenreiter - Move by Yourself

I remember those times
When they said I couldn't make it
I told them I couldn't just do what they wanted and fake it

They said they'd be shocked if I could find another place to go
And you know they said if I left I'd just be all left alone
And then a friend said

Don't stop doing what you believe in
Don't let them put you on a shelf
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight

Sometimes they can't forget
Forget just what you've got
But don't ever be no, no
Somebody that you're not
When there's a choice you've got to make
Do what you feel, don't hesitate
You know I will never, never forget what a friend said
His words keep ringing in my head
He said

Don't stop doing what you believe in
Don't let them put you on a shelf
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
I said you've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
Oh move on, move on baby

Move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight
You've got to move by yourself, move by yourself tonight

and so ends another chapter in yet another book...

well, i have had two relationships since my divorce 5 years ago. the first is very well chronicled here on my blog... the second, well, not so well chronicled, BUT if you go back and read some of the things i wrote in about my first relationship, you would see some very striking similarities.

anyway, i'm at the last page of the last chapter of this book called relationship #2, and although ending very differently, it's still ending. this time, my choice, although my reaction to HIS choices is what made me make this choice to end it. and i must say, i feel better than i have in a while. i have spent time with my family, my grandson in particular, and i have been just a bit more stress free, thank God... just waiting now for him to get all of his and his daughter's things from my home for me to finish the chapter and close the book...

so, what will the next book that i write be about? all this drama is starting to get old... i think my next book will be a comedy!! :-)

introducing...

Marquis LaVelle Douglas Wade

Born November 14, 2006

9:50am

7pound, 7 ounces

19 1/2 inches long

The Proud Family

it's crunch time

well, the past few sunday nights we have spent in labor and delivery, all being false alarms. katie is looking and feeling good, it's amazing that this baby will be here in just a few days... she goes to the doctor today, so we shall see... all i know is that she is currently dialated to a 1, but had about 12 hours of contractions yesterday, never moving past that 30 minutes apart zone... doctor's appointment should prove interesting today...

i'm gonna be a grandma sometime this week... craziness, i say

going nowhere...

Mad World - Tears for Fears
Covered by - Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere
Going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression
No expression

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow
No tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i´m dying
Are the best i´ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
´cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It´s a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday

Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me

Now the teacher tells me what´s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me

And I find it kind of funny...

new music friday is tired...

i have decided that i'm running out of stuff, so i will just share as it comes along...

i'm on the lookout for some new music, so anyone wanting to give ideas or share some suggestions, that would be great!

peace, love and happiness

new music friday

today's new music is incredible... Robert Randolph and the Family Band - Live at the Wetlands... it's only 6 tracks, but it keeps your feet moving... and it's just plain happy music!! i'm totally diggin it and i have had this disc for over a year... fun stuff man!

new music friday

today's new music is from trey anastasio... Bar 17. The artwork on the front of the disc is something that trey created as well. I have heard about a third of the disc so far, but i am enjoying it... dragonfly is my favorite so far, as trey brought back the horns... I will probably edit this later after listening to the entire disc... so very excited for new music from big red!!!

new music friday

today's new music is INCREDIBLE!!! This is a "best of" that truly is the best!! Watching "Walk the Line" really is what made me decide to buy this disc, but i friggin love it... lots of favorites on here, a lot of songs from the movie as well... Johnny Cash was a trendsetter... his first talk show, his guest was Bob Dylan... music with Willie, Waylon and many others... plus the love story of him and June... I realized as i was reading the info on the inside of the cd, he died on my birthday a few years ago... heartbreak from losing june 4 months earlier... great disc... he's a classic... can't beat the man in black!

one of the nicest things he's done for me...

so, he said to me, they found my "achilles heel, it's you..." so, today it hit me why he has the ringer he has.... it touched me.. and helps me to realize that he does love me...

I Walk The Line - Johnny Cash
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I'll admit that I'm a fool for you
Because you're mine, I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I've known proves that it's right
Because you're mine, I walk the line

You've got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can't hide
For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

rock - me - hard place

(see, that's me, between a rock and hard place)

i'm in a sticky situation, and it's none of my doing, but i am now involved... so, the question is, do i just stfu about it and move on, or, do i speak my mind about it...

i really don't know, to be honest... i will probably stfu and move on, but this situation has SO MANY FRIGGIN RAMIFICATIONS around it...

ugh...

new music friday on a monday morning

well, blogger was acting a donkey when i was trying to do this on friday, so here is yet another late installment of new music friday.... this is one of my FAVORITE phish studio discs... the story of the ghost... lotsa good stuff on here... released in 1998, this is one that i didn't realize was one of my favorites until i really learned to appreciate phish... many, MANY, many good ones on here, birds of a feather, guyute, water in the sky, roggae... take a listen, it's lovely

productivity, or lack there of....

i really should be working, as i have a HUGE list of stuff to do, but i am now working on hour 13, and i have kind of lost all urge and desire to work... o well...

the past few weeks have been crazy. labor day holiday, long weekend, come back to a trip to denver, back in the office 1 day. then, in the office on monday, out again to tucson on tuesday... drama filled on tuesday, but i eventually made it to tucson (wednesday!) then drama at home while in tucson, then back home on friday, to more craziness at home that weekend...

this was my first full week in the office since the beginning of september. it's funny, because the only thing i was looking forward to all month was my birthday, and i don't celebrate my birthday, because i just don't... well, this was the first birthday since the divorce that i had someone besides my family in my life that i wanted to share it with... and it ended up being a great day, because Greg was with me, until we went to the airport so i could go to tucson...

coming home was nice though... now that all the visitors are out of the house, it's back to mom, sophie, greg, madison and me... sarah every other weekend, and katie, with her big pregnant belly, some times. i was telling greg tonite at dinner how all i want to do is lay naked in bed with him all weekend... now, we all know, we can't do that all weekend, but that's what i want to do, just be with him....

we talk every nite as we lay in bed, unwinding from the day, and laugh and giggle about stupid stuff, and as i laid there last nite, the biggest smile came over my face... he didn't see it (it was dark, after all!) but i was so incredibly happy... i can't wait till the day that he makes me his forever... granted, in my heart and mind, i am already there, but i just can't express how much i love this man and his daughter...

well, this hasn't increased my productivity level at work, but it felt good to write... i should be writing my self appraisal, but alas, i'm not...

nite pholks...

new music friday on a late monday night...

ahhh, today's new music, isn't new at all... this is one of my favorite discs in my collection... The Very Best of the Grateful Dead. part of the reason why i like this disc, is that my 11 year old sings along to Uncle John's Band and Casey Jones. My original copy was stolen, and i was so grateful that i had it loaded on my computer... i am now on my second burn just for this disc... i love it... so, if you like a "few" dead songs, you might want to check this one out, because chances are, what you like is on here..

my 39th. year

has been quite a challenge already... I was supposed to travel for business on my birthday, and ended up sitting at the airport all day long, when i was 7 miles from my house... and then i never left... so, i arrive in tucson late on wednesday for the training class i was supposed to attend.

then, the night before i leave, there is a big huge drama filled fiasco here at home, where i have 3 different people calling me and telling me all this "stuff" that i need to take care of or address, when i am 1500 miles away... a whole helluva lot i can do from tucson...

then, i didn't want to leave, because being back in the southwest made me realize how much i miss the southwest...

and yes, i know, i haven't posted my "new music friday" post yet, because by the time i got home on friday, all i wanted to do was crawl in bed and sleep for 3 days.... so, new music friday will be coming up next...

come on 39, i know you can do it...

they say it's your birthday....

well, tomorrow i turn 39... ugh... 39 years old... one more year to the big ole' 40. you know tho, i can't really complain too much about turning 39... it has been a helluva lot better than when i turned 38... so, what do i have to look forward to in my 39th. year? grandbaby on the way... more responsibility and focus at work... a wonderful man in my life, who i hope to be engaged too soon, a "step" daughter, and a new extended family, if all goes well... which i think it will...

my kids are doing well, my oldest is freaking out about giving birth, my youngest is freaking out, cuz that's what she does best!! =)

anyway, happy birthday to me tomorrow

new music friday

well, i will have to say that i'm starting to run out of new music for new music friday. my music trading pal at work, paul, left the company a few months ago, so i don't get as much music as i would like right now... so, for new music friday now, i will start going thru my collection... it may not be new to me, but it just might be new to you...

so, today's installment is The String Cheese Incident - Untying the Not. I got this for Christmas a few years ago from one of my reps... it's kind of darker than most cheese discs, but i must say, it is one of my favorite cheese discs.... plus the artwork is pretty cool!!

new music friday on a late sunday night

today's new music is something that i go a while ago, but maybe it's new for you... The Jerry Garcia boxed set. 5 discs, it's wonderful... some outtakes from the studio sessions, and this is one of those sets that i can leave playing on my computer for days at a time... I really enjoy this boxed set, and would highly recommend it for any garcia or dead fan!!

do i have "alcoholic magnet" tattooed on my forehead?

i swear... what is it about me? why does it seem that there is always SOMETHING... i learned alot about dealing with an alcoholic in my last relationship, and in this one, i have found that i am much stronger than i was before... i can tell you, i'm definitely not putting up with the amount of shit i did before... but damn, man...

it's funny, because greg gets upset when i compare him to ben, but i'm not comparing him, i'm comparing his behaviors to ben...and i see the same behaviors in greg when he has been drinking that i saw in ben....

all i have to say is ugh...

i do know that i can't go thru another weekend like i did this weekend. and i told him that... i have 3 choices...

1. continue on like nothing is wrong
2. kick him to the curb
3. rehab - to which i will go, and i will be there for support

the thing is, he doesn't see what his behavior is doing to the people that love him... all he sees is him... again, i say... ugh....

and with that, i'm spent...

new music friday

today's new music comes from my new favorite magazine... paste. this disc is not my favorite of the ones i have received so far, but it's still good... i really like samplers anymore, because it does turn you on to stuff that you wouldn't typically listen to... gives you just a taste... for instance, i have really enjoyed the josh ritter that has been on samplers... this one has umphrey's mcgee on it, and it's pretty good... anyway, take a listen...

new music friday... better late than never

sorry for the delay in getting this out, but it's been quite a weekend! Anyway, today's music is FAR from new, but it's WONDERFUL... I remember when i was 16 going to the movies to see this... Talking Heads "Stop Making Sense." The DVD is amazing and the soundtrack is incredible. I have said it before, and i will say it again... David Byrne is a friggin' genius...

new music friday

today's new music is from....PHISH!! this is the bonus cd that came with my Phish Live in Brooklyn dvd! I LOVE this disc! It hasn't been out of the cd player much since receiving it! At the beginning of track 6 and in between the remaining tracks on the disc, you will hear "fluffhead" teases... and it's lovely... o, what i would have given to see or hear one more fluffhead before they were gone... alas, teases are all i have, but it works for me!!

what do you mean "do something?"

ever had that feeling that you were drowning, and you just couldn't get to the top of the water to get the air? i feel as if my life is completely out of my hands, and i don't know how to get my hands back around it... i'm spiraling out of control, and i haven't felt like this in a long time... and to be honest, i don't like it.

i feel like a puppet... going thru the motions to make every other fucker in this world happy but me (sorry for the rudeness, but i watched shaun of the dead this weekend, and that quote just kind of stuck... it goes something like this)

Liz - "if i don't do something, i'm gonna spend the rest of my life in this bar with the rest of these sad old fuckers, drinking myself to death and wondering what the hell happened"
Shaun - "what do you mean, do something?"

i don't know, all i know is that right now, BESIDES being horribly sick (stress related,) i feel completely out of control...

o well, i guess this too shall pass... always does, one way or another

new music friday

today's new music is from BONNAROOOOOOOOO!!!!! 'roo 2004 to be exact! I love these discs, and i am anxiously awaiting the release of last years discs... anyway, this 2 disc set is lovely. dylan, dave, dead, david byrne (a genius, btw!) trey, damien rice... so many great artists! bonnaroo is definitely evolving from a tradtional "hippie" fest into a true musical experience for anyone... this past festival headlined radiohead and tom petty... not your typical hippies! anyway, yet another great disc from the promoters of 'roo! keep brining it!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of jason via nancy. i love dave. now, let me say that a lot of phish phans don't love dave. but there is something about this man's voice that just makes me melt. i have never seen him live, although i would love too... problem is, i'm not gonna spend the amount of money it costs to see DMB. this is a great disc set. pretty much all my dave "live" discs are good, and i am happy to add it to my collection!

frusration, ugh...

well, it's been a long time since i have sat down and actually wrote something. the past couple of weeks have been crazy and i don't know, i guess my frustration has finally gotten to me...

we found out a couple of weeks ago at work, that one of our accounts is leaving on august 11. this is an account that i helped start up, but i am no longer associated with. so, why am i frustrated, since i'm not associated with it anymore?

well, because they are leaving, we may not need all the management people that we currently have in place. i got promoted (temporarily, until i could prove myself) in january. so, because of the fact that although, yes, i have proven myself, my position may be eliminated.

so, i find out today, that i will still have my position until at least september 1, but that we will "revisit" everything then. so, i have a month of stressing out ahead of me. there is really no one i can talk to about this situation, as my boyfriend works for the same company, and all of this is information that i'm not really allowed to discuss in detail. (what i have written thus far is all common knowledge, so i'm not divulging any secrets by writing this.)

i'm also frustrated in the fact that the few times i do try to talk to him about anything work related, it turns into a fight. we fight about work all the time, unfortunately. he and i are VERY different when it comes to the way we look at work. so, it's to the point that work is an "off-limits" topic... and that sucks.

i can't talk to my mom about it, because she will just share it with greg because she is "worried" about me... i understand that, but at the same token, i would like to talk to my mom.

o well... i feel better now that i got some of this out... the next month is gonna suck.

new music friday

today's new music comes from one of my favorite movies, "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" First of all, LOVE the movie, secondly, love the soundtrack! The movie is a gag, very funny, and George Clooney and John Turturro are perfect in this flick! Check out the soundtrack if you like the movie, because, it's a good one!!

having it easy...

Our lives are an exercise in facing challenges. We dream the grandest of dreams as youngsters only to discover that we must cultivate copious inner strength and determination in order to meet our goals. Our hard work does not always yield the results we expect. And it is when we find ourselves frustrated by the trials we face or unable to meet our own expectations that we are most apt to take notice of those individuals who appear to accomplish great feats effortlessly. Some people's lives seem to magically fall into place. We can see the blessings they have received, the ease with which they have attained their desires, their unwavering confidence, and their wealth. But, because we can never see the story of their lives as a whole, it is important that we refrain from passing judgment or becoming envious.


Throughout our lives, we glimpse only the outer hull of others' life experiences, so it's tempting to presuppose that the abundance they enjoy is the result of luck rather than diligent effort. In a small number of cases, our assumptions may mirror reality. But very few people "have it easy." Everyone must overcome difficulties and everyone has been granted a distinctive set of talents with which to do so. An individual who is highly gifted may nonetheless have to practice industriously and correct themselves repeatedly in order to cultivate their talents. Their myriad accomplishments are more likely than not the result of ongoing hard work and sacrifice. You, no doubt, have natural abilities that you have nurtured and your gifts may be the very reason you strive as tirelessly as you do. Yet others see only the outcome of your efforts and not the efforts themselves.


Our intellects, our hearts, and our souls are constantly being tested by the universe. Life will create new challenges for you to face each time you prove yourself capable of overcoming the challenges of the past. What you deem difficult will always differ from that which others deem difficult. The tests you will be given will be as unique as you are. If you focus on doing the best you can and making use of the blessings you have been granted, the outcome of your efforts will be a joyous reflection of your dedication.

new music friday

today's new music comes from my favorite band... PHISH!!! Phish Live in Brooklyn came out on Tuesday, and it's AMAZING!! I remember driving from El Paso to Phoenix to watch this live simulcast in June of 2004, and i had THE BEST TIME... the boys put on a great show, and i danced my ass off, in a movie theater, no less... i got goosebumps as i put the dvd in and heard "dinner and movie" and possum... and the suzy kicked my ass!! anyway, it is nice to be able to talk phish when it comes to new music! i got a "bonus" cd with my dvd purchase, and that hasn't come out of my cd player in my car since i got it!! even some fluffhead teases in there for me!! HOOT!!! i love phish and new music!!!

new music friday

today's new music is actually old music, for me, but rediscovered! i have been listening to string cheese incident for a few years now, and this was my first cd, courtesy of my friend matt (rip.) this is a great disc, it's fun, it's upbeat, and keeps your foot tappin' thru most of the disc. the "cheese" does have a tendency to be a bit odd sometimes, and you find that on the second disc, but that's easy enough to get through. there is definitely a bluegrass feel to most of their must, and i must say, from personal experience, they put on a helluva show! i would go see them again, given the opportunity!

new music friday

today's new music comes from, of all things, american idol... and no, it's not because i watched it (UGH!)

one of the guys here at work, came up to me a few weeks ago, and said, "do you watch american idol?" no, i don't. he said, this girl, whoever it was, sang this song called "Black Horse and the Cherry Tree" and it sounded like a song you would like.

so, i googled it, and got to listen to the song, and yeah, it's a song that i would like, so i decided to grab the disc the next time i hit best buy.

Well, this is good cd, i enjoy it. some mellow songs, but definitely my favorite is the cherry tree song! it pretty much rocks! this chick is scottish and from the UK, and i must say, i'm a bit jealous, as she saw the greatful dead in concert!!

so, check it out, it's worth a spin!

damn, i'm gettin' old... but that's OK!

In each stage of life, there are wonderful experiences one can savor and valuable insights one can absorb. Every new decade and, in fact, every new year brings with it wisdom, transformation, and growth, as well as ends and beginnings. Many people, however, believe that there is one age that eclipses the others. They expend energy trying to reach it and, once it has passed, trying to retain it. But wishing to be younger or older is a denial of the joys that have been and the joys yet to be, as well as the beauty of your life in the present. Holding on to one age can make it difficult to appreciate each new milestone you reach. Taking pleasure in the delights of your age, whether you are in your 20s, 40s, 60s, or 80s, can help you see the magnificence and usefulness of the complex seasons of your life.

Each new year gifted to us by the universe is replete with exciting and unfamiliar experiences. In our 20s, we can embrace the energy of youth and the learning process, knowing it's okay to not have all the answers. As we move through our third decade, we grow more self-assured as the confusion of our young adulthood melts away. We can honor these years by putting aside our fears of aging and concentrating instead on solidifying our values and enjoying our growing emotional maturity. In our 40s, we become conscious of the wisdom we have attained through life experience and are blessed with the ability to put it to good use. We are not afraid to explore unfamiliar territory or to change. In our 50s, we tend to have successfully navigated our midlife reevaluations and have prioritized our lives. In the decades beyond, we discover a greater sense of freedom than we have ever known and can truly enjoy the memory of all we've seen and done.

Try to enjoy the age you are at now, for each age presents its own unique wisdom to savor.

new music friday

today's new music is just plain fun! donavon frankenreiter - move by yourself... his sophomore disc is a far cry from his debut (which, by the way was part of new music friday on 10/7/05) you can easily tell that he switched labels, moving from jack johnson's brushfire records... this disc is pure 70's fun and funk! it's a lot of fun, feels like an old 70's band... but the hippie comes across on this disc as well... it's a lot of fun, and good to be able to watch an artist evolve... check it out...

it's a boy!

we just got back from the doctor, and katie had her sonogram today. She is 18 weeks and a few days and it looks like we are having a boy!! haven't had a baby boy in the immediate family in a long time, so this will be interesting! baby is healthy and happy, and the sonogram tech said that she "couldn't help" telling us the sex, because it was just "waving" to her! too funny!! So, now we just sit back and wait till this little boy is born!! November 17 is a long way away!!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of jason, and for the first time in a while i can say WOW... this disc is amazing!! This is Jack White's band (White Stripes) and although the disc is only 33 minutes long, it keeps you interested through all 33 minutes. (sidenote, i haven't taken it out of the cd player in my car since i got it.) There are so many influences that i hear in this disc... i hear rush, i hear the beatles, and my favorite is track 10, blue vein, where i hear a lot of led zeppelin. It is definitely worth the $14.00 or whatever you will spend on it... BUY THIS DISC!!!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of my daughter... yes, katie! it's crazy really, cuz i took her to see this movie for her birthday, and she said she liked it ( i know i did) but i was kind of skeptical about her real feelings for it... until she tells me "mom, i got the soundtrack to rent!" then, sitting at the house on a sunday afternoon, we put this in, and she knows all the words, and is singing away like mad! it's a great soundtrack, and if you haven't seen the movie, i suggest checking it out!!

new music friday

today's music comes from paul (big surprise there!) he gave me this a while ago, and i haven't had an opportunity to listen to it until recently, and wow, what a soundtrack... i really enjoy it... kinda folky, kinda mellow... has fit the mood for the past few days... i really need to see the movie, thing is, i have always wanted to see it, but never made it... think i might rent it this weekend...

writing to write...

It’s been a while since I have sat down and written just to write, you know, something meaningful and all… not saying that what I have been posting is drivel, it is important to me, but still…

So, a lot has happened in the past couple of months… and it’s been good, mostly. I have wrapped my arms around this “grandma” thing, as much as I can, anyway. Life gives you lemons, you know… what can you do? Show love and support… doesn’t mean that I’m jumping for joy, but this is what God has brought us, so that’s what we have to deal with…

I am in an incredible relationship, and that has progressed rather quickly (so much for going slow…) but we have known each other for almost 2 years, and we were friends first, which I think is very important. He and his daughter have recently moved in with my mom and I, and talk about making two women incredibly happy…. it's incredible, really, how friggin happy i am!

Work is going well, as well as can be expected for work anyway… my hope is that I can quit my part time job by August or September (fingers crossed!) it would be nice, so that then I can spend more time with my kiddo, my man, my mom and heck, I got a grandbaby on the way, so yeah, that too!

My full time job is opening a call center in San Antonio, so, there may be some opportunities in that realm for relocating… which wouldn’t be bad, cuz God knows, I do not like the midwest at all… I loved living in Texas, and would go back tomorrow if I could… I’m getting to go to St. Louis next week for a few days for my part-time job for some schooling… get to stay in a very nice hotel, plus get free product! HOOT!

Got to see some really good movies lately… saw the Da Vinci Code, which I really enjoyed, along with X-Men 3, which was great and also saw Over the Hedge, which was good, but not as funny as I thought it would be.

I bypassed one of the few things I have been looking forward to since I came home, that is Summercamp. It’s hippie festival in Chillicothe. There were about 30 bands, local, regional and national, there… a lot I have seen, a lot I really wanted to see… but I did some soul searching and realized that 5 days off in a row with nothing really to do was more desirable than hanging out with a bunch of young kids and partying for 3 days straight… damn, I’m getting old…

Well, I should get back to work, so this is my writing to write post… feels good, I guess I need to do this more often…

new music friday on a tuesday

i had some days off, so new music friday is a bit late... this is the Paste magazine cd sampler for volume 20... and it's quite good! The Flaming Lips "The Wand" opens up the disc, and Josh Ritter's "A Girl in the War" is really good! Robinella's "Break it Down Baby" is one of my favorites on the entire disc. Track 15, "Jesus was a Crossmaker" is a catchy tune that i enjoy as well. Then there is a cover of "Everybody's Talkin" by Bobby Bare, that i REALLY like. Anyway, check out the magazine, and you will get the discs as well... it's worth it!!

www.pastemagazine.com

HELL YES!!! it's about time!!!

PHISH LIVE IN BROOKLYN DVD/CD IN STORES JULY 11TH
Phish will release Live in Brooklyn, a brand new 2-DVD set and 3-CD audio soundtrack (available separately) in stores July 11th on JEMP Records/Rhino.
Shot in breathtaking high-definition video, with 5.1 surround sound, the deluxe 2-DVD set features the entire June 17th, 2004 concert (two sets of music) and bonus material including excerpts from soundcheck, backstage footage, and "Taste, "Bug", and "Tweezer Reprise" from the following night's show. The concert footage was directed and edited by Eli Tishberg, a veteran of several Phish projects, including the IT DVD, Live In Vegas DVD and Hard Rock Live (5/23/00 Roseland).
The CD soundtrack - which will be sold separately - consists of the entire first night on 3 CDs remixed and mastered from the band's digital multitrack tapes.
Live in Brooklyn marks the first full, uncut concert DVD by Phish since the 2002 release of "Live in Vegas" and is the first full show to be presented on 2 DVDs for maximum maximum fidelity and resolution. The Brooklyn shows were simulcast live in movie theaters nationwide - the DVD release includes all footage from the simulcast, re-edited for the best possible viewing experience.
We will be announcing preorder details soon at Phish.com and Phish Dry Goods.

new music friday

this weeks music is courtesy of paul... Matt Costa - songs we sing. This is a nice mellow little disc... very chill, jack johnson-y.... as a matter of fact, matt costa is on the jack johnson and friends dvd, which is where i heard of him in the first place... nice summer disc, to sit outside and enjoy while having a beverage or lounging in the sun... take a listen, it's nice.

ahhh, happiness

self is feeling better... i got a good man at home, and he is wonderful... i can't imagine not having him in my life... and it's funny, cuz we have been friends for almost 2 years now, and he helped me get through the last relationship... the stuff we have gone thru to make this work has been amazing, and i am so friggin happy that i gave him an opportunity to show me how much he cares and loves me... he has done an incredible job!! it's nice to be able to give the love i have in my heart to someone that actually loves me back and wants me for me, fat thighs, grey hair and a grandma taboot! and it's amazing to me to realize that what i thought was love in my last relationship came down to something completely different.... i was clouded, wanting so badly to be in a loving relationship and i wasn't... i know that now... hell, i knew it then, but i didn't want to admit it...

but this one... wow... all i know, is that i can't wait to spend the rest of my days with him...to quote my favorite movie of all time....

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. - Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) - When Harry Met Sally

this is SO me...

Set Yourself Free
Letting Go Of Perfection

It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.

This doesn't mean that we don't strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection-especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.

In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood-an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else's approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

crankiness

**double post, myspace blog as well**

so, i have been really cranky for about a week now. that's not like me, at all, and to be honest, i don't like it very much.

why am i cranky? hmmm, i don't know. my full time job it going fine, my part time job is fine (although i wish i didn't have it!) for once my love life is is going well too... i have two beautiful daughters that love me, my mom loves me and i have a wonderful man in my life. so, why am i cranky?

that's a good question. i think it comes down to how i was made. i dunno, but it seems that i was made to make sure that other people are happy - to do whatever i can to ensure their happiness. not that it's a bad thing, cuz 99% of the time, i enjoy it, but right now, i guess i'm feeling sorry for myself. it's like "hey, lucy, everything is coming together for you, so why don't you try to fuck it all up by being an insufferable bitch?" that's kind of how it feels.

i guess it goes back to the last relationship i was in... you don't realize how bad it was till you are out of it and in a good relationship and i am in a good one now. my kids like him, my mom loves him... hell, even the dog loves him.... so, why the insecurity? all of the old insecurities pop up in a new relationship... of which neither are similar AT ALL... i do know, that for the first time in a long time, i know what it feels like to be IN love, not just to love.

so, today i had a "come to Jesus" meeting with myself. i said "self, knock off the shit! take everyday one day at a time, worry about the things that NEED worried about, control what is in your control, and give all the love that you have to the people that deserve it." so, self is feeling a bit better, although, slipping just a bit... but better than i was this morning... and i can thank greg for helping me see it, even though he didn't even know he did it.

here is to a cranky-free tuesday

best 6 minutes of the day

Make sure you have sound though. It's well worth the six minutes it takes to watch though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

new music friday

today's new music is a compilation disc from bonnaroo 2003. Galactic's Space Headz March is great, along with My Morning Jacket's Dancefloors. Warren Haynes is incredible, as usual and the Jason Mraz "you & i both (bonnaroo style)" is really good.

disc 2 brings Medeski Martin & Wood with Macha, and Bela Fleck & the Flecktones are amazing! Leo Kottke & Mike Gordon have Rings, which is fantastic and Nickle Creek makes an appearance with I should've known better (very good!)

I love discs like this, because it let's you hear a bit of everything... we have everything from the dead to polyphonic spree, the flaming lips to ben harper.

check it out... it's a good listen!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of paul, again... this is actually a sampler cd from Paste magazine. I will have to tell ya, this is just about the coolest magazine i have seen, and the cd, wow! everyone from nada surf to dollie parton... this is an incredible sampler and because of it, and thumbing thru the magazine, i have now become a subscriber... check it out... well worth it...
www.pastemagazine.com

ahhhhh.... sweet emotion...

it's nice to be in love.....

Everytime We Touch - Cascada

I still hear your voice,
When you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch,
in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness,
But I dont know why,
Without you it's hard to survive

(chorus)
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
I Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle,
Your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that i've cried
The good and the bad times,
We've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall..

(chorus)
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
I Want you in my life.

'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly,
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side.

i'm good enough, i'm strong enough, and dog-gone it people like me

Embraceable You
Comparing Yourself To Others

You are unique. There is no one else like you in the entire universe. In honor of your unique self, it is good to acknowledge and embrace the special qualities that make you the person that you are. One way to do this is to not compare yourself with other people.

It is human nature to want to see how we measure up in comparison to others - especially if we think that they are better than us or have more of something that we want. Yet the truth is that it is not a good use of time to compare ourselves with others because there is no one like us and this makes us incomparable. It is sometimes almost easier to look outside of ourselves and feel like we are deficient in comparison to other people rather than taking responsibility for our own progress in relation to the fulfillment of our life purpose. It actually takes more courage to be self-referential and look at ourselves to see whether we are measuring up to our standards or meeting our full potential. Each of us has very special gifts, and we are here for very specific reasons. We each have a life purpose to fulfill and with this come the lessons that we must learn and the circumstances that we must go through in order to evolve as spiritual beings. To compare our lives to other people's lives when we have no idea of what they are here to learn or fulfill doesn't benefit anyone - especially you.

Instead, if we can accept ourselves, appreciate the special talents and qualities that we alone possess, and realize that each of us is going through certain kinds of experiences for a reason, we are less likely focus so much on what other people have or are doing. Realizing and valuing our uniqueness enables us to bring out the best in ourselves so we can get on with living rather than preoccupying ourselves with meaningless comparisons. Try to not compare yourself to others, and you will see how much you have and how special you are.

new music friday... uh, sunday, better late than never

i sincerely apologize for the delay... i have been sick and plus, getting the man and his daughter all settled it has been a long weekend...

anywho... new music friday is a concert review... i saw my first Umphrey's McGee concert on 4/27/06.

Now, a bit of background here... umphrey's is taking the jamband scene by force... i have listened to them, but never seen them live... what i have heard is ok, but not rocking my world, so before i made any "i like them, i don't like them" decisions, i needed to see them live.

now, more background... i left work early on thursday, and had friday scheduled off... got into it with my ex-hubby thursday, to the point that he made me cry, and i wasn't feeling well anyway, so, to be honest, i just didn't really wanna go, but knew i had to... robbie was counting on me, plus i was gonna get to meet up with some truephans, which was gonna be cool... the show was 1.5 hours away... and all i knew was that i was not feeling well, my man was at home waiting for me, and we were finishing up his move on friday, so i knew i had a long 36 or so hours ahead of me...

so, come home for some debate on whether i should go or not... have lunch with mom and my guy and then off to robb's... we make our way to champaign and find a bar to meet up with the truephans... then head to the venue...

the opening act was supposed to start at 9pm, started at 940... umphrey's didn't go on until 1040... left champaign at 215am... long long long nite... the show was good, first set on the floor, danced... but by the time the 2nd. set came along i was so damned tired, and so friggin sick, it just didn't matter anymore... so, here is the set list and some pics... Umphrey's McGee


04.27.06
Canopy ClubUrbana, Illinois
Set One
Morning Song > Hurt Bird Bath, #5 > Got Your Milk (Right Here), Ringo > "Jimmy Stewart" > Ringo, Walletsworth
Set Two
Der Bluten Kat > Wife Soup > "Jimmy Stewart"^ > Wife Soup, Liquid, Higgins
Encore
#50 Ways to Leave Your Lover > The Bottom Half
Notes
Kick the Cat opened^ with Chris Clemente replacing Ryan on bass, Chris Siebold replacing Brendan on guitar, Vijay Tellis-Nayak joining Joel on keys, and with Tom Hipskind joining Andy on percussion# with Pearl Necklace intro

((hugs))

**repost from my myspace- i actually witnessed this yesterday, and it was great to be the person giving the hug**
The Energy Of An Embrace
Hugs

The need to touch and be touched is established early in our lives, as we develop and grow in the omnipresent embrace of our mother's womb. Once we are born, separated from that sanctuary of connectivity, we begin to crave the physical embrace of our parents. As we age, we become more independent. Yet during times of triumph or trouble and during those moments when we are in need of reassurance, we can't help but long for a hug.

Because a hug requires two active participants, each individual taking part in the embrace experiences the pleasure of being embraced and the joy that comes from hugging someone. As both individuals wrap their arms around one another, their energy blends together, and they experience a tangible feeling of togetherness that lingers long after physical contact has been broken. A heart hug is when you put your left arm over someone's shoulder and your right arm around their waist. As they do the same to you, your hearts become aligned with one another other and loving, comforting energy flows between the two of you to flood your souls with feelings of love, caring, and compassion.

A hug is a pleasurable way to share your feelings with someone who is important to you. Depending on your relationship with the other person and the kind of message you wish to send to them, a hug can communicate love, friendship, romance, congratulations, support, greeting, and any other sentiment you wish to convey. A hug communicates to others that you are there for them in a positive way. In an instant, a hug can reestablish a bond between long lost friends and comfort those in pain. The next time you hug someone, focus all of your energy into the embrace. You will create a profound connection that infuses your feelings and sentiments into a single beautiful gesture.

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of paul, again... David Gilmour - On an Island. This disc is has a typical floyd feel to it... it's nice and mellow and was just what i needed when paul brought it to me.... some of my friends that have heard it were a bit disappointed, but i thoroughly enjoyed the disc... if you like gilmour or pink floyd, check it out

The Importance of Napping

Brief Respite

In the modern world, we're often compelled to be as productive as possible during as many hours of the day as we can be. While this can lead to great feats of accomplishment, we may become exhausted and find ourselves craving rest and rejuvenation. We may feel like taking a nap but feel guilty about indulging in even ten minutes of rest. This need for personal downtime, which many people experience in the early afternoon, isn't a sign of laziness nor is it necessarily related to how much sleep you had the night before. There was even a time when taking a nap was considered a natural part of everyone's day.

Napping is a pleasurable yet brief period of sleep when our minds and bodies can take a break. Though judged by many to be a pastime for children or the elderly, napping can benefit people of all ages. The desire to nap is a trait shared by many mammals, and napping is still an important part of the day in some countries. Snoozing for a half-hour can be an enjoyable way to promote physical well-being, and naps have been known to improve your mood and memory. A 20-minute nap can sharpen your senses and revitalize you, while a ten minute nap can leave you feeling more cheerful. Falling into a light sleep during the daytime can feel meditative. The thoughts you have as you are taking a nap and the dreams you experience may offer you insights about your life that you may not have at night when you are in a deep sleep.

In order to fully enjoy the benefits of napping, you may need to give yourself permission to nap. Feeling guilty about snoozing or worrying about your to-do list won't do you much good when you are trying to take a nap because your thoughts or feelings will keep you awake. Try to nap at the same time each day, and use an alarm clock to ensure that you don't sleep for too long. If you go to an office, try crawl under your desk for a nap. Learning to nap and enjoy its restorative benefits can help you wake up restored, rejuvenated, and ready for the rest of your day.

what's this emotion? oh yeah, i remember you....

so, i'm standing at the part time job the other nite talking to amber... she was in tears after having spent a week with her fella... amber and her man have been dating about 3 weeks longer than i have been dating mine...

amber was so upset, but it wasn't a bad upset, it was a good upset, because she had just spent all this time with him and didn't want to leave him, but it was time to go to work... i felt for her, i really did, because i know exactly what she is feeling...

the sense of joy that comes from being in a relationship that is truly loving is amazing... the fact that i can go thru that with amber is great, cuz we are both going thru a lot of the same emotions, and we can both share and grow in our relationships and we have someone to talk to that understands...

all i know, is it is nice to be in love and be able to share that with a friend that is also in love....

ahhhh... love... yeah, i said it... it's been a while, but boy, it sure is nice to have it back in my life...

happy as can be!!!

**this is a post from my myspace, so i apologize if you read both blogs**

every day it gets harder and harder to contain my happiness... something came over me today, like a wave, washing over me.... he had just left to go home, and i was standing here talking to my daughter, and it hit me just how friggin happy i am...

yes, it's early, yes, there is so much room for things to change, but if you knew what we had to go thru to get here... i think you would understand how happy i am....

to you... thank you for being in my life and putting me in this constant state of happiness

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of jason... Johnny Cash - American Recordings... the original man in black.... johnny is the man... talk about a poet... i remember when i was a kid, johnny woulda just been lumped in that "country" music category... but as i have gotten older, i have come to appreciate his music and his musicianship... these are great discs and the lyrics are amazing... some make you laugh, some make you cry, some make you shake your head and smile... check it out...

new music friday

happy friday to all... today's new music is courtesy of "b" from our message board (www.truephans.com) I put a "feeler" out for some suggestions for new music, and "b" actually writes music reviews for some of the jam band websites and also has been in relix magazine. I am interested in the band Galactic, as everything I have heard from them i have liked, and this disc, all kooked out! is by the drummer of galactic. It is jazzy with some funk.. horns, drums... it's a great jazz disc!! check it out and get all kooked out!!

btw - kooked is my new word for the week!

quandry...

i'm in one...

my heart is telling me to do one thing, my head is telling me to do another...

i'm between a rock and a hardplace

surrender box

**I thought this was really neat... maybe something I should try doing**

A Place For Worries
Surrender Box

There are times when our minds become too full. Our to-do lists, worries, plans, and dreams may be so crowded together in our heads that we don't have room to think. We may believe that we are somehow taking care of our desires and concerns by keeping them at the forefront of our minds. In maintaining our mental hold on every detail, however, we may actually delay the realization of our dreams and the resolution of our worries because we won't let them go. At times such as these, we may want to use a surrender box.

A surrender box allows us to let go of our worries and desires so the universe can take care of them for us. We write down what we want or need to happen and then place the note into a box. By writing and placing our thoughts in the box, we are taking action and letting the universe know we need help and are willing to surrender our feelings. We give ourselves permission to not concern ourselves with that problem any longer and trust that the universe is taking care of it. You may even want to decorate your box and place it in a special place. Your surrender box is a sacred container for your worries. Not only do you free up space in your mind by letting go of our worries and desires and dropping them into your surrender box, but you are giving your burden over to a higher power. Once we drop our worries and desires into the surrender box, we free our minds so we can be fully present in each moment.

Surrendering our worries and concerns and placing them in the hands of the universe doesn't mean that we've given up or have been defeated. Instead, we are releasing the realization of our desires and the resolution of our worries and no longer concerning ourselves with their outcomes. It's always fun to go back and pull the slips of paper out of the box once your requests have been granted. And it's amazing how quickly problems go away and dreams come true when we finally let go and allow a higher power to help us.

new music friday

sorry for the delay in today's edition of new music friday... but here it is... Umphrey's McGee - Local Band Does O.K. thanks to amy for providing me with this one... she asked why i wanted studio and not live... well, i like to get into studio first.... see if i dig it or not... this is a pretty good disc.... i'm trying to learn the ins and outs of UM, but i do like this disc...

first picture

i went to my daughter's first doctor's appointment yesterday regarding her pregnancy. katie was very nervous about it, and i made sure to hold her hand when necessary. she had a sonogram and we got to hear the heartbeat. nice and healthy, 125 heart rate. i told her "it's a boy" based on the heartbeat, and she has her heart set on a girl. so, the official due date is November 17. We will have a baby by turkey day... here is the first pic... the little cigar looking thing on the right hand side of the black circle.... spitting image of grandma, dont'cha think??? =)

good movie!

watched a really good movie this weekend... i have discovered, i'm a sucker for movies about horses!! this movie, inspired by a true story, was REALLY good... great family flick... some room for tears as well... but a very good story... take a look if you get a chance! Also watched "holes" this weekend, disney flick, came out a couple of years ago... it was quite good as well... gonna try to check out capote before i go to bed, but we shall see if i make it thru the whole thing...

new music friday

well, today's new music isn't really all that new, more rediscovered... Los Lonely Boys. When i was living in texas, i kind of got into this "tejano" music and i really like it... it definitely has a santana feel to it, and is just an all around good disc. there are some spanish tunes on here as well, even though i have no idea what they are saying, it sure is beautiful... take a listen!!

in in LIKE!!!!

(( this is a repost from my myspace blog ))

so, those of you that know me, know i haven't had many relationships since i got divorced... 1 to be exact, and it crashed and burned REAL BAD...

so, i said to myself, "self, if you ever get into another one, be careful." so, i'm not gonna say a whole bunch on the internet about this relationship, because first of all, i did that with the last one, and after it was over, and i go back and read all of that stuff all over again, i wish i would have kept it private...secondly, it's between me and him... thirdly... i have seen relationships blow up right here on myspace, and get ugly and drama induced, and i don't want to go thru that, if this were to go badly...

but right now, i'm feeling pretty good about it... i did learn a few things thru the last relationship, and that was not to jump too quickly and to be honest with each other...

the jumping part is hard, it really is... but right now, being in "like" is a great state to be in...

dailyOM - The Road to New Beginnings

March 21, 2006
The Road To New Beginnings
Completion

Life is a collage of beginnings and endings that run together like still-wet paint. Yet before we can begin any new phase in life, we must sometimes first achieve closure to the current stage we are in. That's because many of life's experiences call for closure. Often, we cannot see the significance of an event or importance of a lesson until we have reached closure. Or, we may have completed a certain phase in life or path of learning and want to honor that ending. It is this sense of completion that frees us to open the door to new beginnings. Closure serves to tie up or sever loose ends, quiets the mind even when questions have been left unanswered, signifies the end of an experience, and acknowledges that a change has taken place.

The period of completion, rather than being just an act of finality, is also one of transition. When we seek closure, what we really want is an understanding of what has happened and an opportunity to derive what lessons we can from an experience. Without closure, there is no resolution and we are left to grieve, relive old memories to the point of frustration, or remain forever connected to people from our past. A sense of completion regarding a situation may also
result when we accept that we have done our best. If you can't officially achieve closure with someone, you can create completion by participating in a closure ritual. Write a farewell letter to that person and then burn your note during a ceremony. This ritual allows you to consciously honor and appreciate what has taken place between you and release the experience so you can move forward.

Closure can help you let go of feelings of anger or uncertainty regarding your past even as you honor your experience - whether good or bad - as a necessary step on your life's path. Closure allows you to emotionally lay to rest issues and feelings that may be weighing down your spirit. When you create closure, you affirm that you have done what was needed, are wiser because of your experience, and are ready for whatever life wants to bring you next.

so, it's been quite a weekend...

and it started on Friday morning at 915.... that phone call.... the one that said... "mom, i'm pregnant." my baby girl, my first born, is having a baby....

yes, i'm gonna be a grandma.... i will be 39 years old when this grandchild is born. Katie will be 20 (unless born before 12/3) and my mom will be 60. If my grandmother lives to the birth, she will be 85 (i think) That will make 5 generations.

it could have been worse...
instead of being almost 20, she could have been almost 16
instead of being a h/s graduate, she could have been a h/s drop out
instead of being employed full time w/benefits, she could be unemployed

so... yeah... it's been interesting to say the least. plus, to add additional stress to the situation, the baby will be mixed. so, that went over like a lead balloon with her dad. it has not been fun...
but i love katie, and support her (although i don't condone or approve) through this. she needs love and support right now... not someone giving her grief. it's not like this was a planned thing... since not even 4 months ago did i hear her mutter the words "i'm never having kids"

even katie said "mom, this happened for a reason, if i wasn't supposed to be here right now, i wouldn't be." so, God has brought this child into our lives, this baby is here for a reason... we just don't know what it is yet...

with that, i'm spent... nite folks...

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of paul... ALO - animal liberation orchestra. i heard these guys on the jack johnson and friends dvd and i really liked them... paul didn't care too much for the disc, but i really think he needs to give it another twirl... i on the other hand LOVE it... nice mellow music with a definite "jack" feel to it... plus "Girl I Wanna Lay You Down" is on here and i friggen love this song... it was my theme for thursday!! check it out... it's worth a spin!

just... can't... stop.... smiling!!!

i didn't think it could happen... never thought it would come together... but it did, it has, and i'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure this feeling doesn't go away....

they're back.... with a vengence!!!

the sopranos came back on tonite, after a two year hiatus!!! this is my FAVORITE show, and i had to go to robb's to watch... it was a great first episode, and i can't wait to see the next 11!!!

i love phish and tony soprano!!!!

...

Saturday, March 11, 2006 @ 11:52 pm

new music friday

This week's new music is getting me ready for April 27th! Umphrey's McGee - Anchor Drops. I'm trying to get a feel for the disc and be prepared when i see the show. I do like track 6, and track 2 is very good as well. UM has a pretty distinct sound and they jam, a lot.. they even have names for their jams... one of which i know is the "jimmy stewart" jam... i like the disc, gotta keep listening... although i will say that i was whistling one of the tunes as i was getting ready for work today... take a listen...

reason, season or lifetime?

this has been floating around email circles for a while, but it holds true, and i like it, so thought i would share...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

a big thank you...

many thanks robbie joe... if you had any idea the type of day i had today, you would understand just how much i appreciated sitting in the basement tonite...

thanks hun...

mood for the moment - let's hope it changes... pronto

Jumpdafuckup - Soulfly

Muthafucka u don't understand
All my hate
Muthafucka u don't understand
All my rage
Muthafucka u don't understand
All my pain
Muthafucka u don't understand

You seem to sever all my frequencies
I'm tethered to your energies
And everything turns inside out
I can't be killed but I'm not too proud
Maybe you would like to peek through the curtain
At the same mistake you know you always make
But all I really want to know is
Are you gonna lay the fuck back down
Or jump da fuck up

Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit
I'm full of hate don't fuck with me
Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit
Open up your eyes and fucking see
We got the tribe against society
We got to fight the real enemy
Get da fuck up stand da fuck up
Back da fuck up

All this is making things a bit insane
And I don't care who stares or stays
The only thing that matters is
Will you reach out if you can't resist
Maybe you don't give a shit for the rest of us
But if you do the time is now if it ever was
If you're gonna fight whatcha gonna do
Jump da fuck up

How dare you single out my honesty
Compare me to your travesties
I only want to see you fight
The darkness you wanna live your life by
And if you're gonna quit
I don't give a shit
What the fuck I'm a mack truck
Are you gonna give up like a bitch
Or jump da fuck up

Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit
I'm full of hate don't fuck with me
Walking in da streets and looking at all this shit
Open up your eyes and fucking see
We got the tribe against society
We got to fight the real enemy
Get da fuck up stand da fuck up
Muthafuckaaaaaaaarrggghhhh

I'm a self destructive piece of shit
Smear me in
I don't owe you a goddamn thing
This life has never had the swing
I don't wanna be immortal or legend or anything
Cuz the longer I'm alive the better off you'll be
Get ready for epitome come on and pity me
Will you kill me if I say please
I'm the same old reasons not to try
What the hell
Beat to death with a shovel and a new smell
Come and get me mom would never let me do it
I'm ruined I don't want anything from you
Cuz I've got nothing left to prove c'mon
My time everything feels fine goodbye
Killing from the inside

funny for the day...

so, my oldest, katie, works in a call center... she just sent me a text message that said "some customer just said that will exacerbate things and i actually knew what it meant. lol. thank u liz and shaun."

too funny... if you don't get that reference, rent the movie... Shaun of the Dead!!!

mood for the moment

Problems at my home,
I've got to press on
Problems on my job
I've got to press on
When I'm down to my last dime,
I've got to press on
When I don't have my friends
I've got to press on

— from "Pressing My Way" - Robert Randolph and the Family Band

Robbie Joe Rules!!!

i have music coming out of my car again!!! Robbie hooked me up with his neighbor and in the matter of an hour had my new cd car stereo installed!! i have been w/o music in my car since about october, and it's been killing me, since music is so important to me!!! I can now finally enjoy the birthday present my daughter gave me (in september!!)

and all it cost me was a bottle of jager!!!

thanks Robbie Joe, you kick ass!!! love you hun!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of robbie... this is another entry by xavier rudd. I just love his music. It chills me out and makes me happy!! track 3 is really good... this music is amazing, considering he does it all himself... thanks robbie joe for the tunage... it's been a welcome addition to my collection!!!

setlist.... no, not for a show...

so, this is something i have been building for quite sometime now... going on 5 years...

if i am ever lucky enough to get married again, i already have the music (at least part of it) picked out for the reception. yes, i know, you say "lucy, aren't you jumping the gun a bit, having music ready when you don't even have a man in your life?" no, i'm not. music is very important to me, and if i ever get married again, i want the music of my life to be a part of that very important day...

so, that being said, here is what i have chosen thus far, in no particular order:

Waste - Phish
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Rainbow - Jack Johnson feat. G. Love
Eyes - North Mississippi All Stars
Girl I Wanna Lay You Down - Jack Johnson
She Sends Me - moe.
Other Side Of Town - Widespread Panic
Box of Rain - Grateful Dead
Steal My Kisses - Ben Harper
Sexual Healing (cover) - Ben Harper
Sugar Magnolia - Grateful Dead
I'll Be The One - Warren Haynes
Desdemona - The Allman Brothers
Divided Sky - Phish
Amazed - Lonestar
Thank You For Loving Me - Bon Jovi
Crazy for this Girls - Evan and Jaron
Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison
Someone to Watch Over Me - Frank Sinatra
The twelfth of September - Xavier Rudd
Best Friend - Queen
Thank You - Ryan Huston
Let's Get It On - Marvin Gaye
When The World Ends - Dave Matthews Band
Crash - Dave Matthews Band
Inlaw Josie Wales - Phish
Love Will Keep Us Together - Captain and Tenille
Tiny Dancer - Elton John
Sweet Dreams Melinda - Trey Anastasio
Alive Again - Trey Anastasio
Spring Buds (cover) - Keller Williams
Loving Cup (cover) - Keller Williams or Phish
This Must Be the Place (naive melody) - Talking Heads
Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
Foo Foo - Santana
Corazon Espinado - Mana/Santana
Shine On You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd
Dear Prudence - The Beatles
You Enjoy Myself (YEM) - Phish
Hey Baby Let's Go to Vegas - Faith Hill
China Cat Sunflower - Grateful Dead
Joyful Sound - String Cheese Incident
Book of Love - Peter Gabriel
Angel from Montgomery - John Prine
Here's to the Night - Eve 6

That's all i have for right now... i'm sure i will continue to add to this as i hear inspiring music that touches me!!! and, if i never find a man to marry, i guess i will just have to have one helluva party just to play the setlist!!!

i like this

Listen to your heartbeat and dance.

Gift Of Solitude

When Isolation Is Ok

We all need time alone. Even those of us who are social butterflies need sometime to ourselves. Solitude is necessary for meditation and quiet reflection. Wealso may choose to isolate ourselves when we are busy and need to meet adeadline. We may cherish time alone when we want to give ourselves over to artor music, lose ourselves in a good book, or delve into a personal project.Having time to ourselves allows us to focus completely on our yoga practice orget into the zone while running or strength training. Sometimes we need to bealone to simply do nothing but enjoy the sound of silence. Our alone timerevitalizes and replenishes us, grounding us in our own company.

Yet, too much isolation, especially when our intention is to hide, withdraw, ornot deal with the realities of our lives is not physically, mentally, orspiritually healthy. It is during moments like these when being in isolationtakes us away from our lives, rather than enhancing it. If anything, too muchisolation can create a buffer whereby we don't have to deal with our problems.Sometimes, pushing ourselves to deal with our issues and be in our lives, ratherthan isolate, is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves.

Also, just as it is important for us to have our "alone" time, we need toremember that as human beings, we are by nature social creatures that thrive onhuman contact. Our lives cannot occur in a vacuum, and we cannot fully live inthis world without interacting with others. Consider using isolation as timespent for rest, reinvigoration, and personal growth. Isolation can then not onlyempower you, but it can allow you to return to your work and your relationshipsrestored and ready for life.

An Exploration of Music

as most of you know, music is a very important part of my life... check this out, very cool and i have already signed up!!

We are proud to announce DailyCD, a free newsletter that highlights some of the world's most distinctive and thrilling music in a wide range of genres. You can receive DailyCD in your email inbox when you register for free. Every weekday, a new album and artist will be profiled, giving you an opportunity to discover new musical styles and talent through comprehensive reviews and complementary listening clips. Music is a form of communication that is both engaging and challenging. It is as natural as a heartbeat yet still encourages us to grow through our appreciation. Exploring the limitless world of music inspires the imagination and takes us on a journey that encompasses not just sound but also emotions, culture, and the rhythms that move us.

Music is an expression of many aspects of humanity—it speaks of our hopes and dreams, fears and joys, and beginnings and endings. For every thought, emotion, and circumstance, there is a corresponding melody and beat that is its parallel. Every weekday, DailyCD offers a new occasion to explore the world through sound. We will feature an eclectic selection of music including sounds from recent times as well as classics from decades past. Whether the day's selection is part of the rock, pop, jazz, world, electronica, folk, blues, or indie genre, or is in a class all of its own, the music you hear will offer an opportunity to open your mind to new melodies and erase your preconceptions regarding what music is or should be.

As the nature of music is one of shared experiences, DailyCD offers a community feature that allows you to discuss the day's selection or other musical topics with individuals who are as dedicated to music as you. You can also save your favorite DailyCDs to your folder, email them to a friend, or order the physical CDs if you like them. We truly hope you will enjoy this unique exploration of the world of music.

Click for your free DailyCD: http://www.dailycd.com/cgi-bin/userinfo/settings.cgi?subscribe=1&from=dailyom

apprehension

i'm meeting my best friend's girl friend tomorrow... i must say, i'm a bit nervous about it. i don't have a lot of luck with significant others. they typically don't like me too much... i guess, since i'm female and 95% of my friends are men, the significant others see me as a threat. thing is, if a man is my friend, that's usually how it stays. now, there have been some instances where, let's just say, that a significant other would need to be concerned, but not in this case. greg and i have been friends for 6 years now, and although the thought may have crossed my mind a few years ago, that has long since passed, and the realization that we are much better friends definitely out-weighs the possibility of any short lived romance. anyway, i'm a little nervous... i remember taking the man in my life at the time to meet greg (they knew each other in the past anyway.) it was like taking someone to meet my parents, seeking his approval. greg will be the man that will give me away if i am ever lucky enough to get married again. my hope is that all this nervousness about meeting the girlfriend will be for naught, and it goes well...

and if it doesn't, guess what? he's still my best friend...

A Life Of Passion

Getting Back To What You Love

There are times in life when we are committed to pursuing our passions. Every molecule in our body is focused on doing what we love. At other times, necessity and responsibility dictate that we put our dreams aside and do what needs to be done. It is during these moments that we may choose to forget what it is that we love to do. There are many other reasons for why we may leave our passions behind. A hobby may lose its appeal once we've realize it will never turn into our dream job. Someone important to us may keep telling us that our passions are childish and unsuitable - until we finally believe them.

Forgetting about what you love to do can be a form of self-sabotage. If you can forget about your dreams, then you never have to risk failure. But just because we've decided to ignore our passions doesn't mean they no longer exist. Nothing can fill the emptiness that remains in a space vacated by a passion that we havetossed aside. Besides, life is too short to stop doing what you love, and it is never too late to rediscover your favorite things. If you gave up playing aninstrument, painting, drawing, spending time in nature, or any other activity orinterest that you once loved to do, now may be the time to take up that passionagain. If you don't remember what it is that you used to be passionate about,you may want to think about the activities or interests that you used to love or the dreams that you always wished you could pursue.

You don't have to neglect your responsibilities to pursue your passions, and youdon't have to neglect your commitments to do what you love. When you make aneffort to incorporate your interests into your life, the fire within youignites. You feel excited, inspired, and fed by the flames that are sparked by living your life with passion for what you love.

are you in or are you out?

** let me preface this by saying i have had too much to drink, so i apologize in advance if i am rambling**

when someone tells you that they are going to do something, then why don't they do it? how friggin difficult is it to say "yes, i said i would do that, so i am going to do it"??!! ( i know, puncuation off there, grammar police coming to get me)

i mean, seriously... if you have been saying for weeks that you want to, say for instance, see a movie, then you make plans to see that movie, you have EVERY opportunity to see that movie but you don't, then wtf is up with that?

i guess i should just read that book, and it will tell me all the answers... as trey would say READ THE FUCKING BOOK!! what book... well, if you are bright enough to read between the lines, you will have been able to pick up on the fact that i'm talking about a man... so, the book, is "He's Just Not that Into you" which is fine.. i don't have a problem with that, but then don't call me when it's convenient for you... don't say all the right things monday thru friday, then on the weekend come up with excuses to cancel the plans...

i'm so over it all... whatever... bring me another blue moon, beotch...

new music friday

today's new music is from North Mississippi All Stars - Electric Blue Watermelon. This is a disc full of foot stomping blusey funk! I am totally diggin this disc. NMAS is a great group, and the lead singer, Luther Dickenson, is a white boy with a black voice... this boy has some serious soul in in voice! I like the whole disc, i don't think there is one song on here that i dislike... check it out for a fun disc!!

emotions

it's funny how emotions take over us at times. there has been so much internet "drama" lately in my circle of friends it's frightening. watching a friend of mine go thru a break up, and watch it all unfold via myspace. watching my "sketchy" internet friends on our message board (www.truephans.com) get in an uproar over "is phish coming back or not." watching them get in an uproar over "is umphrey's mcgee as good as phish" it's crazy really. everyone is entitled to their opinion and some people are so passionate about things that sometimes they can't/won't see or hear any other opinion. passion is good, but it's just someone else's opinion, they aren't bashing YOU they are stating their opinion. as my dad used to say, opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.

i think we all need to remember that...

reflecting

i don't know what it is, but i have really been "reflecting" a lot lately... there are some things in my life i want to change, and thanks to jerry, i have realized "when it rains, it pours" so everything seems to be coming down all at the same time... it's like, my professional stuff is finally in line, so now all my personal stuff is deciding to throw up at the same time...

so, this is all the stuff i am contemplating at this moment:

• overall health and well being - meaning, it seems as if i have put on about 400 pounds lately, feeling "fat" and for those of you that are women, i think you can appreciate my thoughts on that - granted, i have always been overweight, but it's bothering me now. because of that, i have decided to start looking into a few things... 1. joining a gym, just let me walk on the treadmill for an hour a day 3 days a week and see where that gets me, it will be a helluva lot more exercise than i am doing now. 2. eat better - always a challenge. working so many jobs, it's difficult some times to eat right. so much easier to just "grab something on the way to work" than it is to actually find something healthy to eat. I have found a magazine that i find very interesting - natural health. we get this at work (p/t job) and it covers everything from eating right to exercise to beauty. i think i'm going to subscribe. 3. educate myself - on all kinds of things... but basically in regards to natural ways of improving my health
• spiritual health - as most of you know, i'm not a deeply religious person, but lately (over the past year or so) i have been more open to this part of me than ever. I'm going to start trying to find myself when it comes to spirituality. How? 1. i have this book, that has been recommended to me "The Power of Now" that i am going to read. I'm not expecting to find all the answers in it, but possibly some guidance, that's all i'm really looking for. Ways to look at things that maybe i'm not "open" to at this point in my life. 2. start trying to find the right "religious" fit for me. What is right for lucy?
• romance - well, it's been a while since i have had any romance in my life, but right now, is that what i want? do i need someone in my life to keep me happy? no, i don't. i have found that out about me over the past 8 months, but the flip side is, do i need someone right now? i don't know... lots of soul searching for that point needs to be done...

so, it's been an emotional few days for me... hopefully i can make some of these changes and start feeling better about myself. ahhh, the power of low self-esteem... hopefully i can overcome it and be happy with ME.

i'll keep you posted...

weekend update

although i worked on saturday, i had my little one, so we made some cheese soup and watched Hook. sunday, we went to see curious george. I went mainly for the music, but it was a really cute movie... very heartwarming. last nite we watched Zathura... that was a fun movie!!! kind of predictable, but all in all a good time!

hope everyone had a good weekend!

new music friday

this is such a fun cd!!! first of all, it's very apparent that i love jack johnson... secondly, the soundtrack to this movie is just plain fun!! plus it has a cover of the napoleon dynamite theme song by the white stripes!!! if you have little ones in the house, check it out, because it's just a heartwarming cd... if you like jack... check it out too!!

this made my morning!

i just received a message from a former employee. way back when, we changed the bonus structure, and during that period, we had to have one on one meetings with our reps to go ove how they could make money under the new program and what did they plan to do with it. well, peggy said that she needed to pay for a trip to california due to her son getting married. well, she just sent me a message that said she was able to take care of the plane and the hotel with her bonus and that she appreciated all my help in getting her there!

that truly made my morning!

INK!!!

i got a new tattoo today, and MAN did it hurt!!! this is my first one in 2 years, and it was quite painful. I had "mother daughter bonding" with katie, as she got one too... only one more to go for her and she has the same number i do...

i will say, tho, it's cool when the artist, as he's doing your tatt says "oh yeah, that's cool."

katie says it's quite "pimp." just the look i was going for... not...

it's a tye dyed peace symbol... and once it heals, i will post a pic, cuz it is quite pimp... and cool...

myspace

so, what's all the hubbub with myspace? i started an account over there just so i could respond to messages of some of my friends. EVERYONE is on myspace. the service is sub-par if you ask me, due to the system timing out and it's down for maintenance all the time. i love my spot here at blogspot. yes, i can do more over there at myspace, but if anyone REALLY wants to get to know me, i direct them here....

but for shits and giggles, if you wanna check me out on myspace, go here...

www.myspace.com/phish91267