writing to write...

It’s been a while since I have sat down and written just to write, you know, something meaningful and all… not saying that what I have been posting is drivel, it is important to me, but still…

So, a lot has happened in the past couple of months… and it’s been good, mostly. I have wrapped my arms around this “grandma” thing, as much as I can, anyway. Life gives you lemons, you know… what can you do? Show love and support… doesn’t mean that I’m jumping for joy, but this is what God has brought us, so that’s what we have to deal with…

I am in an incredible relationship, and that has progressed rather quickly (so much for going slow…) but we have known each other for almost 2 years, and we were friends first, which I think is very important. He and his daughter have recently moved in with my mom and I, and talk about making two women incredibly happy…. it's incredible, really, how friggin happy i am!

Work is going well, as well as can be expected for work anyway… my hope is that I can quit my part time job by August or September (fingers crossed!) it would be nice, so that then I can spend more time with my kiddo, my man, my mom and heck, I got a grandbaby on the way, so yeah, that too!

My full time job is opening a call center in San Antonio, so, there may be some opportunities in that realm for relocating… which wouldn’t be bad, cuz God knows, I do not like the midwest at all… I loved living in Texas, and would go back tomorrow if I could… I’m getting to go to St. Louis next week for a few days for my part-time job for some schooling… get to stay in a very nice hotel, plus get free product! HOOT!

Got to see some really good movies lately… saw the Da Vinci Code, which I really enjoyed, along with X-Men 3, which was great and also saw Over the Hedge, which was good, but not as funny as I thought it would be.

I bypassed one of the few things I have been looking forward to since I came home, that is Summercamp. It’s hippie festival in Chillicothe. There were about 30 bands, local, regional and national, there… a lot I have seen, a lot I really wanted to see… but I did some soul searching and realized that 5 days off in a row with nothing really to do was more desirable than hanging out with a bunch of young kids and partying for 3 days straight… damn, I’m getting old…

Well, I should get back to work, so this is my writing to write post… feels good, I guess I need to do this more often…

new music friday on a tuesday

i had some days off, so new music friday is a bit late... this is the Paste magazine cd sampler for volume 20... and it's quite good! The Flaming Lips "The Wand" opens up the disc, and Josh Ritter's "A Girl in the War" is really good! Robinella's "Break it Down Baby" is one of my favorites on the entire disc. Track 15, "Jesus was a Crossmaker" is a catchy tune that i enjoy as well. Then there is a cover of "Everybody's Talkin" by Bobby Bare, that i REALLY like. Anyway, check out the magazine, and you will get the discs as well... it's worth it!!

www.pastemagazine.com

HELL YES!!! it's about time!!!

PHISH LIVE IN BROOKLYN DVD/CD IN STORES JULY 11TH
Phish will release Live in Brooklyn, a brand new 2-DVD set and 3-CD audio soundtrack (available separately) in stores July 11th on JEMP Records/Rhino.
Shot in breathtaking high-definition video, with 5.1 surround sound, the deluxe 2-DVD set features the entire June 17th, 2004 concert (two sets of music) and bonus material including excerpts from soundcheck, backstage footage, and "Taste, "Bug", and "Tweezer Reprise" from the following night's show. The concert footage was directed and edited by Eli Tishberg, a veteran of several Phish projects, including the IT DVD, Live In Vegas DVD and Hard Rock Live (5/23/00 Roseland).
The CD soundtrack - which will be sold separately - consists of the entire first night on 3 CDs remixed and mastered from the band's digital multitrack tapes.
Live in Brooklyn marks the first full, uncut concert DVD by Phish since the 2002 release of "Live in Vegas" and is the first full show to be presented on 2 DVDs for maximum maximum fidelity and resolution. The Brooklyn shows were simulcast live in movie theaters nationwide - the DVD release includes all footage from the simulcast, re-edited for the best possible viewing experience.
We will be announcing preorder details soon at Phish.com and Phish Dry Goods.

new music friday

this weeks music is courtesy of paul... Matt Costa - songs we sing. This is a nice mellow little disc... very chill, jack johnson-y.... as a matter of fact, matt costa is on the jack johnson and friends dvd, which is where i heard of him in the first place... nice summer disc, to sit outside and enjoy while having a beverage or lounging in the sun... take a listen, it's nice.

ahhh, happiness

self is feeling better... i got a good man at home, and he is wonderful... i can't imagine not having him in my life... and it's funny, cuz we have been friends for almost 2 years now, and he helped me get through the last relationship... the stuff we have gone thru to make this work has been amazing, and i am so friggin happy that i gave him an opportunity to show me how much he cares and loves me... he has done an incredible job!! it's nice to be able to give the love i have in my heart to someone that actually loves me back and wants me for me, fat thighs, grey hair and a grandma taboot! and it's amazing to me to realize that what i thought was love in my last relationship came down to something completely different.... i was clouded, wanting so badly to be in a loving relationship and i wasn't... i know that now... hell, i knew it then, but i didn't want to admit it...

but this one... wow... all i know, is that i can't wait to spend the rest of my days with him...to quote my favorite movie of all time....

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. - Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) - When Harry Met Sally

this is SO me...

Set Yourself Free
Letting Go Of Perfection

It is good to remember that one of our goals in life is to not be perfect. We often lose track of this aspiration. When we make mistakes, we think that we are failing or not measuring up. But if life is about experimenting, experiencing, and learning, then to be imperfect is a prerequisite. Life becomes much more interesting once we let go of our quest for perfection and aspire for imperfection instead.

This doesn't mean that we don't strive to be our best. We simply accept that there is no such thing as perfection-especially in life. All living things are in a ceaseless state of movement. Even as you read this, your hair is growing, your cells are dying and being reborn, and your blood is moving through your veins. Your life changes more than it stays the same. Perfection may happen in a moment, but it will not last because it is an impermanent state. Trying to hold on to perfection or forcing it to happen causes frustration and unhappiness.

In spite of this, many of us are in the habit of trying to be perfect. One way to nudge ourselves out of this tendency is to look at our lives and notice that no one is judging us to see whether or not we are perfect. Sometimes, perfectionism is a holdover from our childhood-an ideal we inherited from a demanding parent. We are adults now, and we can choose to let go of the need to perform for someone else's approval. Similarly, we can choose to experience the universe as a loving place where we are free to be imperfect. Once we realize this, we can begin to take ourselves less seriously and have more fun. Imperfection is inherent to being human. By embracing your imperfections, you embrace yourself.

crankiness

**double post, myspace blog as well**

so, i have been really cranky for about a week now. that's not like me, at all, and to be honest, i don't like it very much.

why am i cranky? hmmm, i don't know. my full time job it going fine, my part time job is fine (although i wish i didn't have it!) for once my love life is is going well too... i have two beautiful daughters that love me, my mom loves me and i have a wonderful man in my life. so, why am i cranky?

that's a good question. i think it comes down to how i was made. i dunno, but it seems that i was made to make sure that other people are happy - to do whatever i can to ensure their happiness. not that it's a bad thing, cuz 99% of the time, i enjoy it, but right now, i guess i'm feeling sorry for myself. it's like "hey, lucy, everything is coming together for you, so why don't you try to fuck it all up by being an insufferable bitch?" that's kind of how it feels.

i guess it goes back to the last relationship i was in... you don't realize how bad it was till you are out of it and in a good relationship and i am in a good one now. my kids like him, my mom loves him... hell, even the dog loves him.... so, why the insecurity? all of the old insecurities pop up in a new relationship... of which neither are similar AT ALL... i do know, that for the first time in a long time, i know what it feels like to be IN love, not just to love.

so, today i had a "come to Jesus" meeting with myself. i said "self, knock off the shit! take everyday one day at a time, worry about the things that NEED worried about, control what is in your control, and give all the love that you have to the people that deserve it." so, self is feeling a bit better, although, slipping just a bit... but better than i was this morning... and i can thank greg for helping me see it, even though he didn't even know he did it.

here is to a cranky-free tuesday

best 6 minutes of the day

Make sure you have sound though. It's well worth the six minutes it takes to watch though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

new music friday

today's new music is a compilation disc from bonnaroo 2003. Galactic's Space Headz March is great, along with My Morning Jacket's Dancefloors. Warren Haynes is incredible, as usual and the Jason Mraz "you & i both (bonnaroo style)" is really good.

disc 2 brings Medeski Martin & Wood with Macha, and Bela Fleck & the Flecktones are amazing! Leo Kottke & Mike Gordon have Rings, which is fantastic and Nickle Creek makes an appearance with I should've known better (very good!)

I love discs like this, because it let's you hear a bit of everything... we have everything from the dead to polyphonic spree, the flaming lips to ben harper.

check it out... it's a good listen!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of paul, again... this is actually a sampler cd from Paste magazine. I will have to tell ya, this is just about the coolest magazine i have seen, and the cd, wow! everyone from nada surf to dollie parton... this is an incredible sampler and because of it, and thumbing thru the magazine, i have now become a subscriber... check it out... well worth it...
www.pastemagazine.com

ahhhhh.... sweet emotion...

it's nice to be in love.....

Everytime We Touch - Cascada

I still hear your voice,
When you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch,
in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness,
But I dont know why,
Without you it's hard to survive

(chorus)
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
I Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle,
Your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that i've cried
The good and the bad times,
We've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall..

(chorus)
'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch,
I feel the static,
And every time we kiss,
I reach for the sky,
Can't you hear my heart beat so,
I can't let you go,
I Want you in my life.

'Cause every time we touch,
I get this feeling
And every time we kiss,
I swear I can fly,
Can't you feel my heart beat fast,
I want this to last,
Need you by my side.

i'm good enough, i'm strong enough, and dog-gone it people like me

Embraceable You
Comparing Yourself To Others

You are unique. There is no one else like you in the entire universe. In honor of your unique self, it is good to acknowledge and embrace the special qualities that make you the person that you are. One way to do this is to not compare yourself with other people.

It is human nature to want to see how we measure up in comparison to others - especially if we think that they are better than us or have more of something that we want. Yet the truth is that it is not a good use of time to compare ourselves with others because there is no one like us and this makes us incomparable. It is sometimes almost easier to look outside of ourselves and feel like we are deficient in comparison to other people rather than taking responsibility for our own progress in relation to the fulfillment of our life purpose. It actually takes more courage to be self-referential and look at ourselves to see whether we are measuring up to our standards or meeting our full potential. Each of us has very special gifts, and we are here for very specific reasons. We each have a life purpose to fulfill and with this come the lessons that we must learn and the circumstances that we must go through in order to evolve as spiritual beings. To compare our lives to other people's lives when we have no idea of what they are here to learn or fulfill doesn't benefit anyone - especially you.

Instead, if we can accept ourselves, appreciate the special talents and qualities that we alone possess, and realize that each of us is going through certain kinds of experiences for a reason, we are less likely focus so much on what other people have or are doing. Realizing and valuing our uniqueness enables us to bring out the best in ourselves so we can get on with living rather than preoccupying ourselves with meaningless comparisons. Try to not compare yourself to others, and you will see how much you have and how special you are.