Happy New Year!!

Here is to a very happy and healthy new year to one and all!! 2006 has got to be better than 2005! I have had a million ups and downs this year and was hoping to go into the new year with a happy heart, but alas, looks like it's the same old me moving into 2006, but with the resolve to make 2006 a better year!!

Please be safe and have a great year!

Reversed Perceptions

today's Daily OM

Projecting

We all have issues, as well as undesirable qualities or traits that we don'tlike about ourselves. Most of us realize that we are not perfect and that it isnatural to have unpleasant thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings. However,when a person does not acknowledge these, they may ascribe those characteristicsto someone else, deeming other people instead as angry, jealous, or insecure. Inpsychological terms, such blaming and fault finding is called projection.

When we are the target of projections, it can be confusing and frustrating, notto mention maddening, particularly when we know that we are not the cause ofanother person's distress. Even people who are well aware of their issues mayfind that sensitive subjects can bring up unexpected projections. They may feelinsecure about a lack of funds and thus view a friend as extravagant. Or, ifthey really want to get in shape, they may preach the benefits of exercise toanyone and everyone.

While we can try to avoid people we know who engage in projecting their "stuff"onto others, we can't always steer clear of such encounters. We can, however,deflect some projections through mindfulness and meditation. A usefulvisualization tool is to imagine wrapping ourselves in a protective lighteveryday. At other times, we may have to put up a protective shield when we feela projection coming our way, reminding ourselves that someone else's issues arenot ours. Although it's difficult not to react when we are the recipient of aprojection, it is a good idea to try to remain calm and let the other personknow if they are being unreasonable and disrespectful. We all know that it's notfun to be dumped on. Likewise, we should be mindful that we don't take our ownfrustrations out on others. When we take ownership of our thoughts, motivations,desires, and feelings, we are less likely to project our issues or disownedqualities onto others.

new music friday

well, who woulda thunk it that it would have taken me this long to post this to my "new music friday." but it did.... Trey Anastasio "Shine." It's not bad, i have listened to it about 4 times and it is growing on me each time. I like the first track "Shine" and track two is "Tuesday," i like that one too. Sweet Dreams Melinda is one that i have heard before and i enjoy that song as well. It is a bit "poppier" than i would have hoped, but it's still worth a listen!! Enjoy!! Trey is a jedi master, so can't complain too much!!

A Gift Of The Heart

i received this via email - i thought it was nice...
Letting People Know You Love Them

It's easy to take our feelings for granted and to assume that the people we careabout know how we feel about them. But while those we love are often quitecognizant of our feelings, saying "I love you" is a gift we should give to ourloved ones whenever we can. Letting people know you love them is an importantpart of nurturing any kind of loving relationship. Few people tire of being toldthey are loved, and saying "I love you" can make a world of difference insomeone's life, take a relationship to a new level, or reaffirm and strengthen asteady bond. Everyone needs to hear the words "I love you." Three simplewords - I - Love - You. When you declare your love for someone you admit to themthat you care for them in the most significant way.

It can be difficult to express your love using words, particularly if you grewup around people that never expressed their affection verbally. But you shouldnever be afraid to say "I love you" or worry that doing so will thrust you intoa position of excessive vulnerability. It is important to share your feelingswith those that matter to you. Part of the fulfillment that comes with lovingsomeone is telling them that you love them. Besides, love exists to beexpressed, not withheld.

If you love someone, let them know. Don't be afraid of the strength of youremotions or worry that your loved one won't feel the same way. Besides, thewords "I love you" are often best said to another without expectation of areturn investment. As each one of us is filled with an abundance of love, thereis never any worry that you'll run out of love if your expression of love isn'tsaid back to you. Saying "I love you" is a gift of the heart sent directly viawords to the heart of a recipient. Even though it may not always look that way,love from the heart is an offering that is always unconditional and givenwithout strings attached. That is the true essence of the gift of "I love you."

moe.

been on a moe. kick lately... i have seen them live 7 times, and they put on a great show... here are some lyrics of one of my favorite moe. songs...

She Sends Me - moe.

She thinks of John Travolta on the same day as me
She even likes artichoke hearts like me
She likes corn
corn on the cob
she eats cornflakes before she goes to her job

well shes an artist, shes got everything she needs
shes very modest got a bruise on her knee
shes got a mole on her back
its hairy and black
shes got a butt like a pillow and she likes to wear black

Chorus:
well i wanna be her hero
wanna be her man
well i wanna be her lover
any way i can
and i wanna be her friend
and im doing all i can
cuz i love her little smiles
and all the letters she sends
she sends me

Shes a dopey little girl and her names not nancy
in her own little world her names diane
She likes to play piano
Love to hear her play
She likes to talk to me
i love to hear her say

she loves me a whole freakin lot
she loves me a whole freakin lot
she loves me a whole freakin lot
oh she loves me a whole freakin lot

fucking drama

God, i hate unnecessary drama... it's such bullshit... went thru 12 hours of it yesterday, and now it's starting again today... For fuck sake, grow up people...

weekend update

to sum it up in two words...

it sucked

with that, i'm spent

some lyrics for the day

haven't posted lyrics in a while, but i like this song, david byrne is a friggin genius... i like the lyrics... they touched my heart, mind and soul

This Must Be the Place (naive melody) - Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense - 1984
Home is where I want to be
Pick me up and turn me round
I feel numb - born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun
The less we say about it the better
Make it up as we go along
Feet on the ground
Head in the sky
It's ok I know nothing's wrong . . nothing

Hi yo I got plenty of time
Hi yo you got light in your eyes
And you're standing here beside me
I love the passing of time
Never for money
Always for love
Cover up and say goodnight . . . say goodnight

Home - is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home - she lifted up her wings
Guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time Before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be . . . where I'll be

Hi yo We drift in and out
Hi yo sing into my mouth
Out of all those kinds of people
You got a face with a view
I'm just an animal looking for a home
Share the same space for a minute or two
And you love me till my heart stops
Love me till I'm dead
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head Ah ooh

Merry Christmas!!

I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! Be safe, enjoy your family and friends, and relax... Spread the love and joy that you have in your heart and make sure to let those people that are special to you know that they are loved!!

Happy Holidays!

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of paul, again... Wilco, Kicking Television Live in Chicago. This is a great disc... took me a couple of listens before i started to dig it, but i do. It's a 2 disc set and quite enjoyable. I have heard of Wilco, and a lot of people out there like them. I never had an opportunity to listen to them, so, i was pretty pleased at my first listen!

bring on the xanax!!!

well, i finally broke down, had to do it, and made an appointment at the doctor about my anxiety, panic and stress... so, here's hoping that the prescription will be for xanax!! i have had that before, and boy o boy is it lovely... all i know is that i can't continue to have these panic/anxiety attacks. I had 2 in less than 12 hours yesterday. Now, granted, working 85 hours a week may have something to do with it, because i am exhausted, but that will go away soon... i hope...

so, mr. doctor man, load me up with some zanies and make me chill...

edit - it is adivan... here's hoping it works!

gypsy's, tramps and thieves... aka, liars, cheaters and stealers

let me preface this by saying - this is a GENERAL observation, not pointed at anyone in particular

I absolutely fucking hate it when i am lied to... almost more than anything... of course, being cheated on ranks up there as well, but being lied to is the absolute. Don't spout honesty and being open to me if you are going to be a hypocrite about it... GOD, I'M SALTY!!! Where does the "stealing" fit in? You are stealing my trust if you are lying to me... for fuck sake, be honest with me.... i don't care, i would rather get my feelings hurt or get upset NOW rather than be led down a path of lies and deceit...

ok, i feel better now

daily OM - i got this via email today... interesting...

Beings Of Light
Human Angels

During each of our journeys, there are those inevitable moments when someone comes into our life at precisely the right time and says or does precisely the right thing. Their words or actions may help us perceive ourselves more clearly, remind us that everything will turn out for the best, help us cope, or see us through difficult situations. These people are human angels - individuals designated by the universe to be of service to those in need at specific points in time. Some human angels make a commitment before their births to make a positive contribution to the world at a particular moment. Others were chosen by the universe. All human angels, however, come into our lives when we least expect them and when we can most benefit from their presence.

A few of the human angels we may encounter are in professions where helping others is an everyday occurrence. But most of them are regular people, going about their daily lives until called upon to be in the right place at the right time to bring peace, joy, help, or heal someone when they most need it. You may have met a human angel in the form of a teacher who gave you a piece of advice that touched your soul and influenced your path. The person that momentarily stopped you to say hello on the street, delaying you long enough to avoid an oncoming car or a collision, is also a human angel. They may offer nothing more than a kind word or a smile, but they will offer it when you can draw the most strength and support from their simple action.

You may be a human angel yet not know it. Your fate or intuition may guide you toward other people's challenging or distressing situations, leading you to infer that you simply have bad luck. But recognizing yourself as a human angel can help you deal with the pain you see and understand that you are there to help and comfort others during their times of need. Human angels give of their inner light to all who need it, coming into our lives and often changing us forever. Their task has its challenges, but it is they that have the power to teach, bring us joy, and comfort us in times of despair.

weekend update...

*note - I wrote most of this at work last night...

Well, tis the season, or so they say! I worked all weekend, and it appears to have FINALLY gotten busy. It seems to get later and later every year. It's unfortunate, but it seem that the real "reason for the season" has been lost. Christmas has turned into a "Hallmark Holiday." I was talking to a customer today who told me she got her mom a 3 carat diamond necklace for Christmas. Then her mom told her, "I don't care what you get me, just don't get me jewelry." So, my customer proceeds to find out that mom and dad want a 43" flat screen plasma TV for their kitchen. I asked my customer, "did you take the necklace back?" No, I'm going to give her that too. Basically, what i am trying to get at is that the cost of one of those gifts would pay off my car. The holiday has moved into a "what can i get bigger and better than i did last year?" thing. It's sad, really. I joke with my kids and tell them that all they are getting for Christmas is love, but honestly, what's wrong with that? Nothing, as far as i'm concerned.

Spent some time with friends on Saturday night. Played some poker. For those of you that know how to play Texas Hold'em, you will appreciate this story. Six players to start 4.5 hours later, down to a heads up match between me and another player. He has the chip lead, but not by much. So, pocket cards come, and i have a pair of kings. MONSTER HAND!! I'm first to act, so, i go all in. Who wouldn't?? My opponent calls. We flip the cards over, my kings are BEAUTIFUL vs. his Queen, 5 off suit. Flop comes, it's like, 9, Q, 7. Oh crap, he's now got a pair of queens, but i still have him beat. Here comes the turn... no help for either of us, i'm still favored. It's time for the river... a flippin' Queen on the river!! Trip Queens!! My monster just got beat! Bad beat, but what can you do? Fortunes are won and lost on the river every day... thank God that my loss was only $5!! Anyway, win or lose, it was fun! Haven't played in 6 months, so it was a good time!

As i sit here at work waiting for the store to close in a half an hour, i realize how much money the company wastes. I can't imagine that the sale out weigh labor costs alone. I haven't had a customer in over two hours, but i stand here writing this, making $8.25 an hour, but bringing nothing in. Easy money, yes, but such a waste.

Well, it's now monday, and it's been a HORRIBLE morning, so i guess i should get back to work... have a great day!!

new music friday

today's music is courtesy of paul... again... Living Things. Man, this is a great rocking disc... different feel to it, but very good... been compared to nevermind, but i didn't hear that... but then again, haven't listened to that disc in many years... but check it out, it's a good one!

growth

it amazes me sometimes when we realize we have grown... when we see the forest thru the trees and all that bollocks... when we realize that yeah, what happened sucked, but it was for the best...

as i read thru "his" blog and see his current post, i am heartbroken that it all came down to that... i cry as i scroll down the screen reading the story... yes, i think of him often, i think of the kids... do i love him... yeah, i do, i always will, in some way... like my ex-husband, i was with him for more than 1/2 my life, yeah, i still love him too... but it's not "that" kind of love anymore... not for either of them... it is truly a love based around friendship and caring...

so, as i am reading his story, i'm sitting here at the library with tears streaming down my face... but the flip side of it is, i know that it's because he has someone better suited for him to deal with what he is going thru than i was... i am truly happy for him that he has heidi in his life... now, 6 months ago, this definitely wouldn't have been the case, but i have learned and i have grown, and that's what life is all about, right? learning from our experiences...

so, my hope is that it all works out for him.... but my BIG hope is that what i have learned will carry over into the next relationship that i have and i can make that one bigger and better and be the best i can be...

baby it's cold outside

well... yeah, so anyway... not much going on... except we have a buttload of snow and it's starting to get icy now...

all these jobs are wearing me out, but i'm enjoying it, i must say... even had some time to have a date recently... went and saw a movie, chronicles of narnia, that was really good...

anyway, i thought i would post, just cuz, for no other reason but that...

have a good one

new music friday

today's new music is courtesy of Phatty D... it's the new My Morning Jacket, Z. I really enjoyed the first My Morning Jacket that I have, It Still Moves, but this one is good too. It's very different from the first on that i have. Check it out, completely different feel....

miscellaneous crap

it's been a while since i posted and i thought i would make a quick entry... life has been very busy... part time jobs, full time jobs, holidays, birthdays... been crazy lately...

my baby girl just turned 19 on saturday, so we went to see the movie Rent. we both enjoyed it, although i must say, katie wasn't quite sure how to "take" a musical... but it was very enjoyable.

worked a bunch lately... although business is a bit slow right now, it's fun, all the same. they have me working 35 hours a week for the next two weeks at my part time job, so i should pretty much be about ready to drop come christmas.

had a date, been a while, and it was a lot of fun, hoping that we can do it again sometime...

working now, lunch is over, so time to go... everyone be safe...

new music friday

Season's Greetings, with a hippie flair... it's "Season's Greetings from moe." I really like moe. quite a bit, i have seen them live 7 times and they put on a great show! Not many "jambands" do holiday discs, so this is kind of special... if you would like to hear a different twist on some holiday tunes, plus some original holiday tunes, check it out!!