things you can count on...

as i got ready for another weekend, i was driving home and saw all the beautiful leaves on the trees. it's funny that something that "dies" every year, looks so beautiful. it made me think about the things that you can always count on... like the leaves changing. they will change every year, and they will be beautiful. The first snowfall of the year is always beautiful too, until all the "everyday life" gets it all dirty. The joy i see on my baby girl's face when i see her is something i can always count on as well. The unconditional love that you have for a child and they have for you. You may not always like each other, but you will always love them.

so the weekend came and went. i had my baby this weekend, so it was nice... watched some movies, nothing spectacular, and cleaned my room... brought in all the "winter clothes" and packed away all the summer ones. very exciting...

today is my mom's birthday... she is 59 years old today. She took the day off from one of her jobs, so she is having lunch with her best friend. That's what it's all about, having a friend that you have had forever. i realized over the past few months that i have ONE friend, that i still stay in contact with, that i have had for over 20 years. He is a great friend too... i don't have many friends, and the ones that i have, i cherish...

that's something you can count on too... a great friend that is always there for you... thank you!

what i want... one of these days i will be this....

I wanna be the surgeon that cuts you open
and fixes all of life's mistakes
I wanna be the house that you were raised in
the only place that you feel safe
I wanna be your shower in the morning
that wakes you up and makes you clean
I know I'm just the weather against your window
as you sleep through a winter's dream

bright eyes - ship in a bottle - (excerpt)

new music friday

Today's new music is lovely... G. Love "The Hustle" G. Love does a lot of stuff with Jack Johnson, who i really enjoy. This is a great disc, upbeat and fun!! Thanks Paul, yet again... believe it or not, paul and i are starting to run outta music!! O no!! I think i might need to switch to "old music friday" and bust out some oldies but goodies... i think i might do that!

weekend update...

it was a great weekend... i had absolutely NOTHING to do all weekend... it was sooo nice... i actually slept in on Saturday, and then proceeded to take a 5 hour nap! quite an exciting life i lead, huh?? I watched some good movies this weekend... I saw "crash" which i highly recommend to anyone... it was great... i watched the entire first 2 seasons of seinfeld, rounders, again, ocean's 12 and the whole 10 yards... it was a great weekend... plus, i watched shaun, AGAIN! speaking of, look what my daughter bought me this weekend... just gotta get it framed now!!

new music

this week, i must thank Phatty for this one... i really like this cd, better than "clone." I will have to say, it has the most original cover of "sweet emotion" i have ever heard... it's mellow, it's folky, but it's good... if you ever get a chance to see these guys live, i would highly recommend it!! Gotta love the cactus....

i'm wiped...

so, i started my part time job last night, and had the BEST time! i had more fun in 7 hours in a video store than i did in the past year at my full time job! it has been over a year since i worked at the video store, but it was just like riding a bike... i remembered everything... had great conversation with the customers, a lot of it was about zombies, since Land of the Dead just came out (so, thanks Ben for all the info!!) i had the best time... plus, i get my free rentals back!! HOOT!!!

i'm a reposter

ok, yeah, so "he" posted an excerpt of this song, but it was a different verse... this pretty much sums up my life existence over the past few weeks... i'm drowning right now... not much else to say....

Its just one of those days
When you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sux
You don't really know why
But want justify
Rippin' someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!

limp bizkit - break stuff (excerpt)

fun tuesday

it’s “Fun Tuesday” at work, gee, loads of fun, I tell ya. Let’s humiliate people and make them feel bad for 8 hours. Oh, and let’s tell them “you can’t do any work today, cuz it’s Fun Tuesday” so because of that, we get to work extra hours to make up the work that we couldn’t get done because we were being humiliated all day. Funny, not quite my idea of a fun day at work.

I start my first of two part time jobs tomorrow. I figure between the 3 jobs, I will be working between 80-90 hours a week. Hopefully it will get me out of the hole that I am in, if not, I’ll just slit my wrists now… good thing I don’t have a social life, cuz if I did, it would be over.

So, now that my “scheduled” fun Tuesday is over, I can now sit down and do some work…when can we have fun Wednesday? I hope never.

new music friday

today's installment of new music friday is yet another artist that paul turned me on to... Elliott Smith... this is kinda "emo" rock... i enjoy it though... the first track "Speed Trials" is really good, along with "Pictures of Me," these are my favorite tracks on the disc... check it out... Either/Or

all i gotta say

I H T F P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

for fuck sake... how hard is it to look at someone's schedule before you schedule a meeting? Apparently pretty hard. This is 3 months in a row that my accountability (i.e. bitchability) meeting has been scheduled on my day off. Now, granted i don't have much of a life, but if it's my day off, then it's my day off. So, for the past 3 months, i have had to come in on my day off to basically get my ass chewed...

FYIQ!

there's the rub...

mike - "So, it's like a retro active decision then? I mean, I could, like, forget about her. And then when she comes back, make like I just pretended to forget about her?"

rob - "Right, although probably more likely the opposite."

mike - "What do you mean?"

rob - "I mean, at first you're gonna pretend to forget about her. Not call her, I don't know, whatever. But then eventually, you really will forget about her."

mike - "Well, unless she comes back first."

rob - "Mmm, see, that's the thing. Somehow they know not to come back until you really forget."

mike - "There's the rub."

rob - "There's the rub."

from the movie Swingers

so, you ask, why this scene from the movie? What’s going on in your life that requires this post? Well, here’s the thing… I just recently dated someone for a few weeks… it was good, but it’s over, the closer I came to making this a relationship, the more I thought about “him.” We (he and I) had closure, kind of… but there are so many things that I want to know…such as did the divorce ever become final? Did the custody agreement ever get settled? Are you still taking a trip at the end of this month for work? How are the kids? Are you happy and doing well? Did you ever get the plumbing and electric fixed? I don’t know, just been thinking about him a lot lately, and it really sucks, because it had been 3 months since the break up and I was ready to move on and BAM… so, why this scene? Because… there’s the rub…

weekend update...

It was a relatively slow weekend… I was off on Friday, so just watched a bunch of movies. I watched “Hide and Seek,” which was pretty good, kind of predictable, but not too bad. Then I watched “The Girl Next Door” which was really good!! Completely inappropriate subject matter, but let’s be honest, I am the Queen of inappropriateness so it didn’t bother me!! Then the next movie I watched was “Swimming Pool.” I have seen this before, but fell asleep at the last ½ hour of the movie, so I finally got around to watching the movie again. Great flick. I’m glad I finally finished it!! Then, I watched Shaun, AGAIN!! (those of you that have seen the movie, will get that reference!!)

Saturday led me to work then out to dinner with my friend Dave from Chicago. He will be moving back to Chicago at the end of this week… so sad… gonna miss him! We went to Chili’s and it was SOOOOO good… plus, had new beer (for me) Blue Moon Belgian Wheat Ale…. O M G, SOOOOOOO tasty… got a bit of a buzz at dinner, then made a stop at Friar Tuck’s and got some more… then went home and drank some more… felt goooooood!!

Sunday led me to work as well. This was my first Sunday since we have been open. It was alright. Went to dinner with a friend of mine, then home… stayed up watching tv way too long, got to bed at 1am… ugh…

So, here it’s Monday, and guess what happened? Anxiety/Panic attack on the way to work. I just can not stand being in this place. The boss just comes up and asks “can you add some excitement to that board? Maybe make it kind of exciting?” WTF ever….

O well, tomorrow is another day, right?

haven't posted lyrics in a while...

so, it's been one of them weeks... very emotional... remembering things that i wish i could forget... stupid stuff that comes up in movies or things that just make me say "awww shit, damn it, why does this have to remind me of....." well, all that being said, this is from a previous post about the coldplay dvd... the song "yellow"... trust me, i'm doing my best not to slip back into that spot, but damn, it's hard...

Yellow - Coldplay
Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah they were all yellow,

I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn
Oh all the things I've done
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know you know I love you so
You know I love you so

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh all the things you do
Cause you were all yellow

I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh what a thing to do
And it was all yellow

Your skin
Oh yeah your skin and bones
Turn into something beautiful
D'you know for you i bleed myself dry
For you i bleed myself dry

Its true look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine for you
look how they shine
look at the stars look how they shine for you

a HUGE thank you

to paul from work... i have had the BEST time lately sharing new music with him... he has given me some artists that i never heard of, and i have turned him on to some as well... this has been great!! Thanks Paul!!

new music friday

sorry for the delay in today's post, but no more internet access at home and i'm off work today... alas, here i sit at the library... anywho... new music friday!! Donovan Frankenreiter!! this disc is incredible!! it has a very "jack johnson" feel to it, and actually has jack featured on one of the songs! my favorite is butterfly.... it's a great background music cd and is just very mellow and chill... thanks paul!!

freedom of speech my ass...

So, I’m sitting in a meeting today, when one of my co-workers says “I come in early everyday and people bother me because they can’t find any other supervisors to help them. I tell them, “I can’t help you because I’m not here yet; you are going to have to find someone else.” Then they say they can’t find anyone else and I end up not getting my work done, because I end up helping them.”

My response was “I feel your pain, for the past two weeks I have basically worked open to close when I get off work at 5, but I can tell you that I end up taking sup calls, helping with errors and dealing with issues from 5-9 because they can’t find anyone either. I am not staying to do this crap, I’m staying to get my work done because I can’t seem to get it done during the day, and because the reps KNOW they can come to me. The problem is, until ALL OF US IN THIS ROOM decide we are going to work as a team, then this situation is never going to change. The reps will continually come to me or Suzie or Johnny or whoever, because they know they can, because we will take care of the issue for them. The only way to be able to come in on our own time and get stuff done without being interrupted is for us to work as a team.”

Well, apparently I offended some people. I can’t imagine that stating a fucking fact of how it works on the floor is offensive to some people. I have been told that I shouldn’t speak my mind. Well, damn it; this has been an ongoing issue since I hit the floor a year ago. No one is doing anything about it. You take it to management and they give you a shitload of lip-service about how “well, we are working on it, we know it’s an issue” but no one is doing anything about it. So, I say something and now I have been banned from speaking? Fuck that.

memory dam

Today I watched the Coldplay “Live 2003” dvd. This opened up a floodgate of memories for me. Not Coldplay memories, per say, but memories. I wish I could say they were good memories, but they weren’t.

The first memory that came flooding back was that as soon as I put the dvd in and it started, the first thing I thought was “Shit, this reminds me of the Cure.” As I continued to watch, the more it reminded me, so, you would think, a smart person would have turned it off…. But NOOOOOOO… Miss Glutton for Punishment here continued to watch, hoping that something would break the “I don’t want to think about him when I watch this” spell… negative, didn’t happen…

So, what happens next? “Yellow” comes on. I love that song, but again, not good memories. “Yellow” played a huge part of my “depression years.” “Yellow” was one of the songs that I would listen to when I wanted to die… “Yellow” made me cry….

So, won’t be watching this DVD anymore…

forever....

haven't you ever just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up? that's all i have wanted all weekend... i'm sick, i'm stressed out, i'm miserable, i'm broke.... i spent most of my day yesterday in the ER due to not being able to breathe, which of course, adds to the stress level, the misery level and the broke level. now it's monday and i get to go to a job that i absolutely despise.... great.... i just want to go back to sleep and stay that way...