reflecting

i don't know what it is, but i have really been "reflecting" a lot lately... there are some things in my life i want to change, and thanks to jerry, i have realized "when it rains, it pours" so everything seems to be coming down all at the same time... it's like, my professional stuff is finally in line, so now all my personal stuff is deciding to throw up at the same time...

so, this is all the stuff i am contemplating at this moment:

• overall health and well being - meaning, it seems as if i have put on about 400 pounds lately, feeling "fat" and for those of you that are women, i think you can appreciate my thoughts on that - granted, i have always been overweight, but it's bothering me now. because of that, i have decided to start looking into a few things... 1. joining a gym, just let me walk on the treadmill for an hour a day 3 days a week and see where that gets me, it will be a helluva lot more exercise than i am doing now. 2. eat better - always a challenge. working so many jobs, it's difficult some times to eat right. so much easier to just "grab something on the way to work" than it is to actually find something healthy to eat. I have found a magazine that i find very interesting - natural health. we get this at work (p/t job) and it covers everything from eating right to exercise to beauty. i think i'm going to subscribe. 3. educate myself - on all kinds of things... but basically in regards to natural ways of improving my health
• spiritual health - as most of you know, i'm not a deeply religious person, but lately (over the past year or so) i have been more open to this part of me than ever. I'm going to start trying to find myself when it comes to spirituality. How? 1. i have this book, that has been recommended to me "The Power of Now" that i am going to read. I'm not expecting to find all the answers in it, but possibly some guidance, that's all i'm really looking for. Ways to look at things that maybe i'm not "open" to at this point in my life. 2. start trying to find the right "religious" fit for me. What is right for lucy?
• romance - well, it's been a while since i have had any romance in my life, but right now, is that what i want? do i need someone in my life to keep me happy? no, i don't. i have found that out about me over the past 8 months, but the flip side is, do i need someone right now? i don't know... lots of soul searching for that point needs to be done...

so, it's been an emotional few days for me... hopefully i can make some of these changes and start feeling better about myself. ahhh, the power of low self-esteem... hopefully i can overcome it and be happy with ME.

i'll keep you posted...