crankiness

**double post, myspace blog as well**

so, i have been really cranky for about a week now. that's not like me, at all, and to be honest, i don't like it very much.

why am i cranky? hmmm, i don't know. my full time job it going fine, my part time job is fine (although i wish i didn't have it!) for once my love life is is going well too... i have two beautiful daughters that love me, my mom loves me and i have a wonderful man in my life. so, why am i cranky?

that's a good question. i think it comes down to how i was made. i dunno, but it seems that i was made to make sure that other people are happy - to do whatever i can to ensure their happiness. not that it's a bad thing, cuz 99% of the time, i enjoy it, but right now, i guess i'm feeling sorry for myself. it's like "hey, lucy, everything is coming together for you, so why don't you try to fuck it all up by being an insufferable bitch?" that's kind of how it feels.

i guess it goes back to the last relationship i was in... you don't realize how bad it was till you are out of it and in a good relationship and i am in a good one now. my kids like him, my mom loves him... hell, even the dog loves him.... so, why the insecurity? all of the old insecurities pop up in a new relationship... of which neither are similar AT ALL... i do know, that for the first time in a long time, i know what it feels like to be IN love, not just to love.

so, today i had a "come to Jesus" meeting with myself. i said "self, knock off the shit! take everyday one day at a time, worry about the things that NEED worried about, control what is in your control, and give all the love that you have to the people that deserve it." so, self is feeling a bit better, although, slipping just a bit... but better than i was this morning... and i can thank greg for helping me see it, even though he didn't even know he did it.

here is to a cranky-free tuesday